People who may (just) annoy you

Don't you get annoyed by some things. and people? Like folks who threaten to tell a very funny joke and then lose their way halfway there and start again or kill the punchline by eclipsing it with guffaws.
People who say, "Oh, I have something to tell you, very exciting, but not now, some other time." Smack.
People who slurp when they eat and don't even realise it.
And those who thump you on the back and wring your hand and punch you on the arm to punctuate their conversation.
Like friends who get up and leave or walk around on some errand when you're making a point.
Folks who tell you what they think is good for you and that flow of gratuitous advice takes the sun away.
Body shamers and commentators on how you are looking. You have aged, so haggard, you are not looking after yourself. Take a hike.
People who dart in at the last second and take your parking space and then pretend they hadn't seen you.
Being the only one who orders a dish in a restaurant for which you chose this venue and are told they are all out and you settle for chicken, always flipping chicken.
Wives who're always right. Like the other day we are coming back from The Gardens and my wife says, "Take the exit to the flyover, now, now," and I'm saying, "Reeelaaxxxx, I know the way". So naturally, I don't take the exit and we now end up going away from home and she says, why don't you ever listen to me?
Bosses who love the sound of their own voices.
People who avoid you when you arrive in their town because now they don't want to recognise that old expat friendship. Arrived in the UK and called an old friend or so I thought, we were so close here, and he was so visibly unhappy I might intrude oh, would've loved to meet but we're off to Scotland today.
Getting a call from the credit card lady telling you to pay now or.
People who spill cigarette ash in teacups or throw butts in flower pots or wipe their hands on your curtains or mess up your loo.
Folks who talk across you in a language they know you cannot understand and that is bad enough, except what is worse is when you know they are talking about you. And the others try to pretend innocence.
Those in lifts who won't stop it for you as they rush up and zoom off with that smug grin or push to get in before you can get out, which drives me into a deep rage.
Guests who think it is fashionable to be late and don't even say sorry and bring two strangers with them.
Women who pour perfume rather than spray it and leave that cloying stuff on the telephone and the glasses and everywhere they go.
Visitors to the office who try to read your documents upside down because they cannot help being curious. And you have to then cover up the document with a file.
Like the types who walk into your office, see you are busy and ask, busy? Then they promise to stay for a minute and stay an hour.
Strangers and relatives who ask you how much you earn... where do they get off being so personal?
Folks who want you to love their animals and sic them on you telling you not to worry he won't do anything, he just likes growling.
People who come over and expect you to drop them back.
People who notice new decor, furniture, hairstyle, dress and say that's nice... but. Always that 'but'.
The travellers who read the paper you are reading from behind you.
Couples who fight in public and then co-opt you into it by asking you to play interference.
People who tell you how much everything that they buy costs.
Those who hit their teeth with their nail. Sniff. Suck at a cavity. Scratch.
Those who don't remember your name, but you remember theirs.
Counter clerks at supermarkets who think they are doing you a favour by serving you.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com