Dear Therapist: I have a fear of commitment

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Published: Thu 18 Nov 2021, 8:17 PM

I have fear of commitment. There’s a man who likes me and I think I like him too but probably not in the same way but somehow I feel like he’s a good person and right fit for me. Something scares me about the fact that I will have to commit. I don’t know where this is coming from as in the past I’ve been in relationships. After my last relationship ended I feel like I can’t commit again — Name withheld

By Prateeksha Shetty

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Dear Writer, you don’t seem very certain of your attraction towards this person and this may be further complicating the issue. You are also trying to avoid pain and heartbreak which you predict would ensue, when you commit to this relationship. Such a prediction may not necessarily be true. There is no way that one can completely avoid pain; most relationships in life are a gamble and as such, it is only when you are vulnerable you can be open to love again. An unwillingness to commit to any relationship, will have its consequences which you must be willing to accept. Having said that, if you are still mourning your last relationship, it would be wise to process it before you think of embracing the next one. Pressurising yourself to commit or date a new person while you are not ready will not bode well for the new relationship.

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