Why Kate Middleton's disappearance made us hit new lows

Imagine what it would be like to be in Kate Middleton’s shoes prior to March 22. Imagine what it would have been like to hear your doctor say you have cancer. Imagine processing that diagnosis and breaking it down to your three young children who may, or may not, know what cancer is. Imagine the world outside speculating the reasons for your disappearance from public life, reasons that range from being dead to being cheated upon to separating from a spouse who is, quite possibly, trying to come to terms with the diagnosis himself. Imagine living with the fear of your medical reports being made public. Imagine.

The reason it is not easy for us to imagine what it is like to be in Kate Middleton’s shoes is because the 99 per cent of us who do not live that 'life' cannot fully comprehend how that 1 per cent tackles grief or disappointment. That may have something to do with the fact that we do not imagine the rich and powerful to have emotional injuries because somewhere we, too, believe that privilege buys happiness and mental sanity.

We resent the privileged because we assume they are happy and sane and live the lives we can only dream of. We resent the privileged even though so many of us are trying to acquire privilege by working hard, hustling, manipulating. So, if privilege is something we all collectively work towards and aspire to, why do we hold those who already have it in contempt?

The way the Kate Middleton disappearance saga played out on the Internet points to the love-hate relationship we have with that 1 per cent. The Princess of Wales has been a figure of our collective obsession and disdain. The dresses she wears, the hairstyles she dons, the heirloom jewellery she sports have turned her into a fashion icon.

But her silence has remained deafening to those who want her to speak up. We want non-conformity from a princess whose mother-in-law’s defiance shook the very foundations of the British monarchy. We want Kate Middleton to be something more than Princess of Wales because her sister-in-law has spoken at length about the many aches and pains of leading a fishbowl life. But what we have often forgotten in the conversation around Kate Middleton is that silence can just be as difficult, or even more.

Imagine every part of you being scrutinised minutely, imagine reading an incorrect, heartbreaking headline about yourself, but still picking up the pieces and smiling at the cameras! Imagine doing this day in and day out, and still going on. Imagine putting bizarre conspiracy theories at rest by talking about a diagnosis that has changed your life!

In a noisy world, silence is construed as lack of depth or understanding. We do not account for the fact that it takes immense willpower to remain silent in the face of outrageous rumours, conspiracy theories and allegations. That all the privilege in the world does not prevent you from being judged and getting hurt in the process. It's not that you are unaffected. But sometimes, the choice to remain silent is born out of a desire to invite lesser scrutiny into something you work hard to protect —- your family and wellbeing. In that sense, silence, too, offers agency.

The reason Kate Middleton’s message should hit us hard is because in our effort to make sense of her disappearance, we touched new lows morally. Once again, we took her silence for granted. Well, the Princess has spoken now… and left us speechless for once.

anamika@khaleejtimes.com

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