All for dumping the V-day shtick

A rose by any other name is just as unimaginative. As are stuffed toys.

At a coffee break in the office pantry, I asked three of my colleagues (all men, all married), whether they had any plans of gifting anything or doing something special for V-Day. One clicked his tongue and said, “All that is left behind in college”. One said thoughtfully, he might give his wife a rose at the most (sweet, I thought). And one said, they might go out for dinner (“It’s no big deal, we go out for dinner on most weekends, anyway.”). They may as well all have just said “tcchha!” Then there was a joke about someone’s friend in college, who kept 10 cards ready to deploy throughout the day — why bet on one horse when you can bet on ten, huh?
When I was 11 or 12 in grade 6 (we used to call grade ‘standard’, though) and riding a rickety maroon cycle in Babina (a cantonment near Jhansi), and my brother’s friends, all fellow ‘Army brats’, also on cycles, had pedalled up, and begun yelling in my direction, near the squash court, where we all went for Judo class: Are you wearing that frock because it’s V-day? Ha ha! Did anyone give you a red rose? Ha ha! Do you have a boyfriend? Ha ha! that sort of thing. I went red in the face. I might have wanted to cry. Why was this so awful? So naturally, I told them to get lost, and cycled away. No one had given me a red rose. Why was I so easily embarrassed? Unless things have changed that drastically, no 12-year-old girl likes being teased by idiotic boys.
Growing up, my problem with Valentine’s Day was, that it was just too corny, something “cheapie types” with no understanding of subtlety subscribed to. If I like it any better now, it’s only because ‘cheesy’ is great, like the long-haired chap, Taher Shah, who sang Eye-to-eye. Anyway. I have this other memory: first-year college. I had been bestowed with a cell phone, which used to be on silent/ vibrate mode at night. On the night of Feb13-14, a friend rang a little after midnight, and the side table went abuzz with the ‘ghoon-ghoon’ sound of a possessed handset. I picked up and friend was whispering madly, so much rage in the voice,“What does he think he’s doing?! How will I explain this?!”
Here’s what had happened. Some person who had a thing for my friend had sent over a Valentine’s Day ‘gift’ (of three deadly deal breakers, if you ask me): a teddy bear holding a heart bearing the words, will you be my valentine?, 12 red roses, and a box of chocolates. There was a note, too. But apart from the ghastly gift choice, the problem was timing, the midnight delivery, and the conservative aunt who had answered the doorbell. She wasn’t pleased — who could be seeing those (tacky, tacky) objects of luhurve? Friend was in a spot, and had rung to brainstorm so we could come up with a (wrong-number type) explanation to be offered at breakfast.
We laugh about it now. But even now, my reaction to Valentine’s Day is still an “eeks”. Let’s face it: Valentine’s Day is the pits. It’s still corny, commercially driven, makes people who can’t afford gifts feel bad, and is of course devoid of aesthetics. I mean, if it’s just another day for romance, surely all it implies is, do something thoughtful? What’s all this about buying a “Valentine’s Day” gift? Any thoughtful gift is a Valentine’s Day gift!
Maybe take her car for servicing, fix a pasta or do something around the house. Do the unexpected, so that she or he, knowing you, will understand it took some doing. Work the imagination! Now, on top of that, if you want to pick up a hydrangea or a couple of oriental lilies (the fragrant kind) on the way back from work, well, whatevs — cynic-0, cupid-1.
nivriti@khaleejtimes.com