How to deal with extreme possessiveness

Making sense of the world we inhabit

By Prateeksha Shetty

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Published: Tue 21 Dec 2021, 10:18 PM

How should I deal with my extreme possessiveness? — Ayah

Dear Ayah, your extreme possessiveness is a cover-up for schemas that are a lot more deep-rooted. You might believe that you are easily replaceable which stems from low self-worth or self-loathing. You may also suffer from abandonment fears as you believe that your friends or partner will leave for someone else, someone better! Such beliefs need to be addressed before challenging your possessiveness.

An unconditional self-worth that is kind to one’s vulnerabilities can help you trust your support system. Your possessiveness is not about the other person, it is, in fact, about you. No amount of exerting control or power or cajoling the other person can help minimise this fear. Instead learning to validate your self and communicating your distress in a healthier manner can go a long way in maintaining relationships. I recommend that you practise affirmations such as ‘I am enough’, ‘I am worthy of love’ along with challenging thoughts of worthlessness to deal with such insecurities. It is also advised that you draw boundaries and not make the other person the centre of your universe.

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