Parenting: Do our children secretly seek counsel from their peers?

Dear Parents,

Come to think of it, in this fast and furious world, being parents might be more daunting than governing a country or running a business; not in terms of magnitude but with regard to the sentimental attachment we have towards our children and the emotional investment we make to secure our children’s lives.

The personal stakes are much higher, and for a majority of parents, every decision they make is in some way or the other linked to their children. From their academics, physical and emotional wellness to future prospects, there is a slew of factors that make our children the centrepieces of our lives till they come of age and learn to steer the wheel on their own.

For obvious reasons that range from unlimited exposure and high intellect to increased expectations and performance pressure, our children are now more prone to breakdowns than we were in our time. A lot of emphasis on our children’s mental health is being given now than before.

While the awareness is appreciable, and the proactive measures taken by schools to manage their anxieties are laudable, there are hidden dangers lurking in the way information is disseminated to them. Blame it again on the free, easily accessible material available (online) for them to read and explore, the word ‘depression’ has now become part of their common parlance.

Students are becoming very conscious of mental health and those who want to make a positive difference are even taking initiatives by starting communities, apps and chat rooms for exchange of views, concerns and possible remedies. And therein lies the rub. While the intention is right on, the perils of children seeking solutions from peers who are equally inexperienced in life and have only partial knowledge of the conditions leading to mental disturbances are high.

A number of youngsters that I know are now taking keen interest in participating in mental health initiatives, with many even planning to take up psychology as their profession, and that’s an encouraging trend. But can we let children become counsellors and support mechanisms to their peers? Given the fact that children, especially adolescents, prefer to confide and seek comfort in their friends than in their parents, this drift could do more damage than good to them. They could be misguided with raw, immature ideas that they consider genuine only because in that stage of life they are naturally inclined to trust their peers, for they all share common pangs of growing up, after all.

Here's where we, as parents, need to be vigilant and take pre-emptive action. While it is practically impossible to know their online activities and with whom they interact on a daily basis, keeping a tab on their emotional state, listening to their smallest woes, monitoring changes in behaviour or character, and keeping an ear to the ground will send warning signals and tell us when to step in with our support and counsel.

Many parents believe that children exaggerate their problems and shrug them as needless tantrums. They may be so for all we know, but we need to pay more than casual attention to their words and action because behind them may lurk a deeper malaise. They must be given to believe that their parents are their first resort in times of trouble.

Teenagers today have begun to erroneously describe the general stress in their student and adolescent lives as depression without realising the larger implications of the term. And there are ample outlets providing them indiscreet advice. They need to be protected from being exposed to it. And the first step towards it is for us to keep reiterating, “We have your back.”

Until next, happy parenting.

wknd@khaleejtimes.com

• Lifestyle
• Dubai