How to parent older teens

According to the Global Disease Burden Study 2017, coordinated by the Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation (IMHE), depressive and anxiety disorders are among the top 10 health problems that cause the most disability in the UAE. Moreover, recent studies show that one in five students have a mental health diagnosis - nearly half say they are often anxious, and a third are frequently lonely. Adolescents have faced even further challenges in the last few months due to the sudden transition to online learning and reduced offline interactions with peers, which in turn have taken a toll on their mental health.
With a range of complexities at play, when teenagers start new phases of their life such as commencing university or entering the job market, this can bring its own unique challenges. Supporting the mental health of young people who are at the cusp of early adulthood can sometimes be a daunting task for parents. Here's a guide for parents looking to support the mental health of older teens.
Encourage self-discovery and self-development in your teenager. An important part of being a teen is discovering personal preferences and abilities. It is good to be involved in your teen's life but striking the balance between encouraging their autonomy as well as continuing to encourage interdependence with the family system is equally important.
Understand that your teenager is not yet a fully-fledged adult but is likely to be grappling with issues that come up during adolescence - such as needing to fit in, experimenting with increasing autonomy and risk-taking, and making sense of their social worlds. When parents are over-involved and engage in 'helicopter parenting', this can be stifling and unhelpful for teenagers. Appropriate limit-setting and boundaries should remain in place, but it is also important to encourage independent decision-making and offer feedback and guidance to teenagers.
Encourage them to build resilience during uncertain times. A prevailing sense of uncertainty during the current pandemic has meant that they have not only had to adapt to new ways of learning, socialising and just being, but they might also be fearful about their future. It can be comforting for older teenagers to know that they have the continued backing of their parents, no matter what happens. In order to provide a sense of consistency to teens, it is vital that parents look after their own mental health as well and take the necessary steps to address their own emotional difficulties so that they can be useful to their children.
Be aware of your expectations. Ask any parent and they will tell you - they want the best for their child (and this does not stop as children mature and grow older!). It is, however, important to recognise that the young person whom you are parenting is indeed a unique and different individual from yourself. Not every teenager is destined for college or a career as an astronaut and that is okay. If your teenager wishes to explore a less travelled avenue, help them by investigating the pros and cons of this and, where possible, find ways to support their curiosity - whilst also offering them realistic advice about a path that will be sustainable for them in the long run. You can offer them your unconditional support but, at the same time, guide them towards the pursuit of a future that builds on their strengths and preferences.
Strike a balance between advising and lecturing. Offering guidance and support with warmth and compassion can help your relationship with your older teen. On the other hand, being overly critical of their life choices, decisions and preferences can be damaging to their sense of self-worth and esteem. Investing time and effort in building a relationship based on trust with your older teen, instead of disciplining them, can be more beneficial and yield positive results in helping them feel supported along their journey as they cross the sometimes shaky and scary bridge from childhood into early adulthood.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com