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How to get children to sleep

Restless nights, lack of sleep and bloodshot eyes are usually associated with parents who can’t get their newborns to sleep. But these sleep problems can linger well into the child’s early school years.

A baby screaming through the night can easily become a child who actively resists going to bed. Later on, parents find themselves fending off a child who’s barging into the living room at all hours when he ought to be sound asleep.

To a degree, such behaviour is normal, say experts. But if sleep becomes a serious issue, parents should seek expert advice.

Many of these phases where children have problems going to or staying asleep are tied to developmental jumps. Most problems disappear on their own over time.

A clear sign of a sleep disorder, experts say, is when the child takes more than 30 minutes to fall asleep, more than three or four times a week over a period of more than four weeks.

“That’s when parents should visit a paediatrician to see if there’s a physical cause,” says Angelika Schlarb, a psychotherapist at the University of Tuebingen in Germany.

Nightmares and waking in the middle of the night are also normal. But if they continue to happen over a longer period of time, they might indicate depression or mental stress. Helena Harms, a Berlin-based psychologist, says parents need to check for changes in their child’s day-to-day behaviour.

“Parents shouldn’t take it lightly if nightmares continue over a longer period,” she says.

Even if there’s no sleep disorder, bedtime can turn into a source of conflict in many families.

“If the child keeps getting up or always has excuses like being hungry or thirsty, then there’s usually a power struggle going on,” says social worker Petra Weidemann-Boeker. Such behaviour is usually tightly linked to the way parents apply discipline.

“In some cases, the parents are incapable of setting borders or limits,” says Schlarb. “Give them clear rules, like the number of bedtime stories allowed, and then stand by those rules.”

If children rely on certain rituals to fall asleep or stay asleep - such as holding on to their mother’s hand - it might indicate a high degree of anxiety.

“These are usually very sensitive children or children who have to work through a lot at the moment,” says Schlarb. Parents need to try to provide a sense of security for these children.

Then there are the children who like to insist that there’s a monster in their closet.

“The ‘magic phase’ usually begins around age 3 - when kids blend fantasy and reality,” says Wiedemann-Boeker. Parents shouldn’t worry about playing along. It’s all right to chase away the problem with a magic spray. Most children exit this phase for reality by the time they’re ready for school.

Unstructured days are a common reason for sleep problems, according to many experts.

“Regular play and meal times are very important for children,” says Weidemann-Boeker. A regular bedtime routine is also helpful, as many children find it difficult to let go of the day.

“Tell them about tomorrow in as much detail as you can,” advises Harms. “Tell them that they’re allowed to wear their rubber boots to day care. That helps them get excited about the next day.”