Ask the Therapist: My mum forgets who I am

Dubai - Although your mother is alive, you are experiencing a tremendous loss, because she no longer is the mother you remember

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Every day, she’s losing memory and sometimes even forgets who I am. It’s like losing your loved one every single day. I feel anger, remorse, pain and guilt at not being there for her as she’s in another city. How do I cope with this situation? — Name Withheld

Dear Writer, I am sorry to hear that your mother is suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. It must be very difficult for you to observe her progressive cognitive decline.

Although your mother is alive, you are experiencing a tremendous loss, because she no longer is the mother you remember, and even worse she has begun to forget that you are her daughter. Understandably, you are having strong feelings about the loss you are suffering.

Difficult as it is for you, the feelings you are describing are often a normal and necessary part of grieving losses. That you can’t be with her to look after her adds additional distress and emotional pain. I am certain there are reasons that you live in another city. The average UAE expat, for example, has come here to pursue work and economic opportunity. As an adult, I am sure that you have many responsibilities that would make it difficult, if not impossible, to move in and care for your mother.

Please stay connected to good memories of time spent with her while she was still well; I can also imagine that she enjoyed the time you spent with her. Remind yourself that a mother-daughter emotional bond supersedes space and time. I would also like to encourage you to stay connected to other family members, so you can offer each other emotional support through this crisis. Alzheimer’s is a progressive disease and the levels of care she will require will need to be adjusted. Talking to understanding friends to express your thoughts and feelings will also help you with your anguish. Lastly, there are Alzheimer’s support groups online with whom you can connect for practical advice and emotional support.

(Dr Annette is integrated psychotherapist at CHMC, Dubai. Got a query? Email us on wknd@khaleejtimes.com)