Dubai: Is LinkedIn the new Tinder? Women call out 'creepy' men using work platform as dating site

"I couldn't sleep for several nights after I first read that message." The text consisted of six words sent to 25-year-old Dubai resident Jenish Shah by a LinkedIn contact that left her horrified. It read: 'I would love to ruin you.'

The man was "a very high-ranking official" who had messaged Jenish on LinkedIn, offering to mentor her. "Honestly, I was wary as he was from a completely different industry and he didn't speak of any programme being held – it was supposed to be a 'one-on-one'."

Jenish connected with him to explore the offer, but a short while later, her instinct proved to be true when she received another message from him saying he would "love to ruin" her. The man backtracked when confronted and attempted to clarify his message. Jenish, however, felt no better and later blocked him.

Online harassment is hardly a new phenomenon for women. However, unlike other social media platforms, LinkedIn is widely viewed as a platform for professionals — an extension of the workplace even. Such undesired messages are, therefore, considered particularly offensive on this platform; the outrage and disgust multiplied. Unfortunately, Jenish is not alone.

Around 91 per cent of female LinkedIn users have received romantic or inappropriate messages at least once on the platform, according to a survey of more than 1,000 people in the US conducted by a global photo studio app last year. More than 30 per cent of the inappropriate messages sent were asking for personal or intimate information. It also found that more than 74 per cent of women have "dialled down" their activity on the social media platform because of such messages.

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Jenish told Khaleej Times she has received several such unprofessional messages over the years. "They would usually start talking to me by asking for professional help or just making general conversation. But, after 10 or 15 messages, they would ask for my phone number or Instagram ID," she said. "I now have doubts whenever someone new messages and can't help wondering if they have ulterior motives."

Recalling specific incidents, she said she once blocked someone on a dating app after she felt uncomfortable with the conversation. The man then found her on LinkedIn and decided to text her there (screenshot below).

Dubai-based Bawan Arora, a 38-year-old in the banking industry, said she once received an inappropriate message as a follow-up to a potential job opening.

A few messages were exchanged before the conversation took a decidedly tasteless turn. "He started saying things that were completely creepy and unprofessional, including asking me if I was married or if I had a nickname, among other things. I stopped replying to him after that."

Setting boundaries

For some women, the exasperation with below-par interactions on LinkedIn has become real enough to cause them to enforce hard boundaries.

"Hi there." This is how one unknown party tried to begin a conversation after business hours with freelancer Georgia Lewis on LinkedIn. Although the message may seem relatively innocuous, she said it caught her in a moment of "feminist annoyance" because she knew "women get these messages all the time" and they're almost always the "start of ongoing harassment".

After two hours of no context and no follow-up, Georgia responded to the message asking if it was a work-related message since the platform was intended for professional communication. "Seems very aggressive" came the unrefined response.

Because he went from "zero to accusations of aggression in one step", the journalist said she decided to give him a more detailed explanation as to why many women do not appreciate men contacting them in this way, especially on a platform like LinkedIn (screenshot below).

While Georgia's post about the interaction had several women relating their own experiences, others suggested such 'lazy messages' could just be ignored and contacts blocked, instead of engaging in confrontations — especially since "he just said hello".

Yet others defended the 'hardline' response. "The 'Hey there' message is the most insidious, because the sender thinks they have plausible deniability — 'Don't be so sensitive; I was just saying hi!'," responded one commenter. "If that were true, you wouldn't be defensive when someone asks what you want to talk about. It's never 'just saying hi'."

Georgia explained: "My reply gave him the opportunity to apologise, or maybe add a work-related message, but instead he called me 'aggressive' for setting clear boundaries. That flash of male rage didn't sit well with me... That's what made me angry."

Toxic masculinity

It's not only women who find these interactions questionable. Dubai resident Arpan Ghosh said, "Unfortunately, situations like this are so common because of the narratives that men are fed. There is the idea that you can meet a potential partner anywhere (sometimes in the most unexpected places), which is taken very literally."

Speaking to Khaleej Times, Arpan said, "Too many men grow up with the idea that they are the hero of that 'man wins over woman by breaking down her defences' kind of movie. They think if they are interested in a woman, they are free to approach her whenever and wherever in order to express their interest."

Arpan believes the concept of manhood or masculinity has been oversimplified into one in which a man must "pursue the object of his interest (and the use of the term ‘object’ there becomes especially problematic in this context). If they get shut down, that just means they haven’t done enough. If they face complete rejection at all turns, then there must be something wrong with the woman, not with their approach."

What makes this a grave issue is the kind of content that is becoming increasingly embraced online: podcasts with an all-male panel discussing how they are the 'alphas', and talking about women with disrespect.

"The sad thing is, a lot of them are not growing out of it. I come across a lot of videos from a corner of the internet known as the ‘manosphere’, which is all about men advising men to ignore the boundaries set by women and to dominate in all of their interactions with women," Arpan rued.

Double-sided issue?

This is not to say that women are not using the platform unprofessionally themselves. It's no secret that women looking for love have also quietly started turning to the professional platform to 'scope out' potential partners — especially because of the details that LinkedIn profiles provide.

A Tiktoker even went viral last year for a video on how the networking site's filters can be used to find a romantic partner. The video garnered more than two million views and 156,000 likes, with thousands of comments approving her 'stalking tactics'. Video below:

In response to the aforementioned survey last year, a LinkedIn spokesperson said, ““People come to LinkedIn to connect with professional contacts, find jobs and stay up to date on industry news and information. Romantic advances and harassment of any form is a violation of our rules and does not belong on our platform. We have clear policies which include detailed examples of what kind of content isn’t allowed. We offer features like an optional, advanced safety feature that, when enabled, warns members when harassment is detected within private messaging. We also encourage members to report if they receive inappropriate comments or messages on LinkedIn, so our team can help protect them and others.”

Of course, the ideal solution would be for men (and women) to be open to learning more about how they can improve their communication and avoid getting into hot water. Arpan had made a similar decision a while ago when he realised his own interactions on social media could be better. "I understood that LinkedIn was a professional platform and not one to be used for general social interactions. The change has been a gradual process, through a combination of personal reflection and trying to better understand and empathise with the female figures in my life."

6 tips on how to contact people on LinkedIn

If you are looking to message someone on LinkedIn, especially someone you have never spoken to before, here are a few tips you could follow:

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