Suicide Prevention Awareness Month: Handle children's feelings with care

There can be nothing more shocking, painful and disturbing than the news of a child taking his/her own life.

September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month. As a parent, have you ever had the chance to talk about suicide with your children? Experts explain why such conversations are important and how one can go about it. The turmoil around the world is affecting young minds, too, and with proper guidance, an adult can help address the issue.
There can be nothing more shocking, painful and disturbing than the news of a child taking his/her own life. For any parent, it is tough to comprehend what drives a child to suicide, and tougher to point out the signs. According to the latest report by the Centres for Disease Control (a national public health institute in the US), suicide is the second leading cause of death among 10 to 24-year-olds, and many more children attempt but do not complete suicide.
While there is an increase in the number of open discussions on mental health, the harsh topic of suicidal tendencies continues to be less talked about. September is Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, and the question that needs to be addressed now more than ever is - are adults equipped to address the turmoil in young minds?
How to broach the subject?
In the last couple of months, the word 'suicide' has entered the vocabulary of children - popping up on social media timelines, appearing on newspaper headlines, blasting on news channels, etc. How does one have an uncomfortable conversation with the younger minds?
"Parents should address the topic as an illness, which needs medical attention, in an honest and age-appropriate manner. In the comments section of a social media post on the actor Sushant Singh's suicide, a callous individual had written the word 'loser'. Children, whatever their age, will follow stories such as this and have many unanswered questions," said Rema Menon V, director at Counselling Point Training and Development, Dubai.
Be emotionally present
Parents, elder siblings, and other adults in a child's life are all currently multi-tasking to survive the pandemic, leaving little time for heart-to-heart conversations about the new normal. "Children hide feelings they do not understand or find difficult to express. Conversations during car rides, meal times, etc. can be entwined in the routines of even busier parents," said Pratibha Jain Mathur, founder and managing partner at sketchNEXT, a Dubai-based consultancy that explores and decodes the lives of young people and their world.
Other creative methods - like reading stories to them and following it up with a chat about the characters - can prepare them to express themselves, she added.
"And when they do, listen, openly and non-judgmentally. Also, let them know that, sometimes, mums and dads also feel terrible and that it does get better."
Their feelings matter
Teens are likely to lament how the adults don't get not just their music taste, but also the stress over assignments, further widening the generation gap. One could be too quick to label such concerns as tantrums, but Rema stressed that the youth's worries - however 'insignificant' - need to be addressed.
"Any significant change in mood must be attended to. Some young adults may deny this and become defensive. Stay patient," she explained.
"A simple 'You seem upset/sad, would you like to talk about it? Is someone/something troubling you?' may be all it takes to elicit a response."
Nikhil (name changed on request), a father of an 11-year-old, confessed that often, he couldn't figure out what exactly causes his child's sadness.
"We're all going through a tough time, but it's our children, who are unable to process the changes in the current environment. Often, I see my son bored or sad, but I am unable to pinpoint what's bothering him," he said.
Be a friend, but keep an eye out
Parents usually don't want to be a hawk, but then neither can one be a BFF. Experts advised that a balance must be maintained in a parent's relationship with a child. Anita (name changed on request), a mother to a 10-year-old daughter, shared: "I keep a close watch on what she is watching and with whom she is interacting on the Web, to be able to protect her from cyberbullying and crimes."
While Pratibha agreed that there is a need to monitor children's online activity and limit their screen time, she said it's best to "go for an open, balanced, parenting approach vs an authoritarian".
"Play screen games, have conversations on how violent content is harmful. Talk about their friends and what they like, for a lot is driven by the peer set. And, raise a flag when you think something is inappropriate," she said.
Rema added: "Teens often confide in their peers, rather than parents, hence we must know the young person's circle of influence."
Listen - even when your child isn't 'talking' - and don't be afraid to seek professional advice to help out your child. The road ahead is slippery, but with proper guidance, as an adult, a tragedy can be averted.
HOW TO HELP YOUR CHILD HANDLE THEIR EMOTIONS
>Keep the communication lines open. Make them feel secure and loved. Reassure the child that he/she is important and can confide in them whatever the problem.
>Reiterate to them that there are some things one can control and others that one cannot, like this pandemic.
>If you even suspect that your child is harbouring suicidal thoughts, consult a professional.
>Let your child know he/she is not alone. The feeling of sadness/helplessness is natural and that we adults too undergo such thoughts.
(As told by Rema Menon V, Director, Counselling Point Training & Development, Dubai)
purva@khaleejtimes.com 
 

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