'I fear physical contact even if it's a girl'

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I'm not a victim, I'm a survivor," a young woman, using the pseudonym Melanie, said. She was abused as a child.
Melanie was in middle school when her older cousin molested her. "He said it was a game. A 'doctor doctor' game." Too little then, Melanie did not fully comprehend the seriousness of the situation. "I thought I'll get to play the new game on his phone if I complied. He would touch my chest when there was no one around. I thought I was special."
Down the years, Melanie tucked away the incident from memory, but needed constant consultations with a psychiatrist. Today, she has been diagnosed with PTSD, with symptoms of anxiety and paranoia.
"I eventually forgot it as a defence mechanism. Instead, I got stress-induced acidity and severe sleep paralysis every night. I've become paranoid and panic attacks are a frequent occurrence.
"I fear physical contact even if it's a girl or a guy and even if it's a normal touch."
Melanie copes by being an extrovert. She is known among her friends for "talking too much."
"When I come back home, it's just me and my thoughts." Her getaway is mainly exercise, poetry and love from her friends and family.
"He told me to not tell anyone, but recently I have told a few friends and that has helped me. This has taught me a great deal about the world and the monsters that hide behind dark lanes and familiar faces." However, her family still does not know.

For Melanie, the solution lies in educating children and teaching them the difference between a good and bad touch.
"See the signs. Talk to them regularly. Don't make such topics a taboo," she advised. Melanie concluded that the stigma of getting therapy should be overcome, since getting help is never a shameful thing.
Sex education should be introduced
The Children Affairs Committee chairman at the Emirates Human Rights Association, Abdul Rahman Ganem, said that child abuse is on the rise in the UAE.
"The majority of the cases, unfortunately, remain unreported by the parents. In Eastern culture, it is related to honour," said Ganem.
The government, he noted, offers full confidentiality over abuse reports which should reassure parents that cases are being dealt with complete professionalism and discretion. "As long as we, as a society, are failing to raise awareness and address this issue, abuse against children will continue to happen," said Ganem.
The key, he noted, is educating children to protect themselves, since minors are unaware of certain situations. "Children's understanding of sex is absent. A child should be armed with knowledge to defend him/herself."
Ganem noted that while society cannot limit children's constant exposure to abuse, given globalisation and introduction of new technologies, they can be taught how to protect themselves. "Sex education must be introduced in schools at different ages to teach children how to behave if they ever got abused."
While the new child protection law protects children from all kinds of abuse, Ganem said prevention is better than the cure.
sherouk@khaleejtimes.com
Parents shoulder big responsibility
Moza Al Shoomi, one of the founders of the child protection law, said that the responsibility lies primarily on parents when it comes to protecting their children against abuse. "The government has done its part by introducing the law, it is now our turn as parents and entities to do our part," said Al Shoomi.
While most Arab or Eastern families might view topics of abuse and sex as taboo, parents have to educate children according to their age. "Families do not have to wait for schools or nurseries to teach the child. Some parents get furious if teachers discuss such topics, but minors must be aware," noted Al Shoomi.

"For children below 7, parents should tell them what is forbidden. They should know what parts are untouchable and that no one has the right to take them to the bathroom except their parents."
"Most important, they should not be left alone with any stranger - be it maid or driver." Since the Arab culture includes kissing as a form of greeting, a child must be taught that kisses are only for certain parts of the body.
She added, "Children over 7 should be taught to tell their parents where they are going and with whom. Their phones should be under surveillance until they reach a certain age, where their privacy should be respected."
Al Shoomi said families' role also extends to post-abuse cases. She noted that the stigma of keeping abuse cases hidden should be a thing of the past. "The law now holds everyone accountable if an abuse case is seen and not reported. If I don't report any violation, I am harming my child."
The second step, she added, is to provide children with psychological and moral support. If needed, they should be taken to a psychiatrist. She noted that abuse happens not only through physical touch, but even through exposing a minor to indecent conversations and images.
Child abuse law is structure for change
The Federal Law No 3 of 2016 - formerly named Wadeema Law - was drafted in the memory of Wadeema, an 8-year-old Emirati girl who was starved and tortured to death in Dubai by her father and his girlfriend in 2012.
On June 15, 2016, a new law was introduced in the UAE to protect children from abuse and neglect. Law 3 of 2016 states that if any person - whether it be parents, doctors, or teachers - suspects a child is being subjected to abuse, they will be legally obliged to report their concerns to the authorities.
Dr Hussain Al Maseeh, social care expert at the Community Development Authority (CDA) said: "The law does not change much when it comes to crime, because people still break rules. But it acts as a structure as to how we deal with these issues."
Although penalties arising from this law will deter some criminals, Dr Al Maseeh said in cases of child abuse, it is not so black and white. That's because, more often than not, the typical abuser comes from within the family.
"When laws govern family issues, the family becomes exposed. That's why many cases of child abuse are very secretive and go on behind closed doors."
But what this new law hopes to achieve is a form of transparency, he said. By legally obliging all members of the community to report suspected abuse, it will allow the right people access to the family home to "break that cycle".
kelly@khaleejtimes.com
Legally speaking
Advocate Hani Hammouda of Kefah Al Zaabi Office for Advocacy and Legal Consultancy described the relevant penalties as stipulated in the UAE Federal Penal Code.
> In consistency with the clauses of the Delinquent Juveniles and Homeless Law, whoever forcibly rapes a woman or sexually assaults a man shall be sentenced to death. The force factor is not there if the age of the victim is under 14 at the time of the crime
> Whoever attempts to commit crimes said in the above- mentioned article, shall be given a life jail term.
> Consistent with the two above-mentioned articles, whoever is convicted of consensual sex shall be jailed for a minimum period of one year. If the crime falls on a person who is under 14, or if it happens with the use of force, a jail term shall be inflicted as punishment.
> If any of the crimes in the above-mentioned articles lead to the victim's death, the death penalty shall be inflicted.
> A capital punishment verdict becomes final after it is upheld by Dubai's top court, the Court of Cassation. But it has to be approved by the Dubai Ruler before it can be executed by a firing squad.
Articles in the Federal Penal Code have different punishments
> It punishes by imprisonment for not less than one year of indecent assault crime, if the crime occurred on the person, male or female, under the age of 14 years.
> It is punishable to death all the people who have used coercion in sexual intercourse with a female or sodomy with a male, is also considered coercion if the age of the victim is less than 14 at the time of the crime.
(As told to Marie Nammour)
Important facts
> There is no time scale for treatment of child abuse victims; it differs from case to case
> To help abuse victims rebuild a sense of self, equip them with: mastery skills, trust, sense of safety
> Those treating abuse victims need to help them conceptualise what happened
> Feelings of guilt is a common side-effect of abuse. Let them know it is not their fault

• Dubai