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WIT IT ALL THE TIME

practically the dullest question in the world, 'Cyrus the Virus' spoke to City Times from India just ahead of his upcoming Dubai visit to attend the first anniversary birthday bash of Cellucom UClub. The party on July 1, at Al Nasr Leisureland's Ice Rink will have Cyrus anchoring the show, and giving out 'birthday gifts' to partygoers, courtesy of Sony Ericsson and other leading youth brands. Lucky members will have a chance to take home watches and phones among other attractive gifts. One of Dubai's best DJ's, Benson (Movenpick) will provide 'chilled out tunes' for UClub members to groove to; entrance for non-members will be Dh30 at the venue. Lively, down-to-earth and refreshingly wacky, Cyrus believes firmly that his usp ("Unique Silly Proposition", he says with a straight face!) is that he is funny in English. As one critic said of him: "In an Indian world of Hindi slapstick, of 'Hinglish' havoc, of 'Yes Prime Minister' British comedy, he is an Indian with an English funny bone who can't stop talking!"

City Times put some questions to the man, who has been dubbed to have a mouth like a typewriter at high speed, and brain that's clattering as fast...and we still can't stop laughing!

What brings you to Dubai this time around?

I believe it'll be a plane. But in today's day and age nothing is certain! Actually there is a gentleman named Richard Coram who knows the itinerary, which basically consists of picking me up from and dropping me to the airport.

What is the new look that Cyrus is adopting since fatherhood, since 'Bakra'?

Well, I haven't panicked yet! Haven't yet resorted to plastic surgery! What I basically do is wear a 'palloo' ('purdah') and venture out only in the cover of darkness.

What do you imagine, is life after MTV? Do you ever think about such a life, given you are one of MTV's oldest and most resilient VJs to date?

MTV has promised to give me a pension and autographed poster of the Black Eyed Peas and Madonna...er, sorry Esther, every year!

Do you think the channel and you have become sort of dependent on each other, is it a question of survival now?

To be honest we're in love, but if you seriously think that I can carry the whole of MTV on my broad shoulders, then you must be family. I'm just a little dot in the MTV universe. Dots come and go. But the universes go on forever.

Tell us a little about your new movie - "Mera Number Kab Aayega" - what was the disagreement with Prithish Nandy Communications (PNC) all about? Who is producing it, is the script and cast all ready and when do you begin shooting?

I wish I knew! There is actually no disagreement with Mr. Nandy, who by the way has four armed men with him at all times.

So you tend to agree with him more often than not! At the moment the picture's just a title, nothing more.

What's it like being in Dubai, you have a lot of fans here thanks to 'Bakra' and 'Loveline'? What are your upcoming TV programmes and tell us what's new with Cyrus Broacha?

Well people have been very nice in the past. Nobody pelts me with tomatoes, like back home, but then again tomatoes are very expensive here!

Do you think fatherhood has made you all grown up? Or are you likely to remain 'half crazy' and 'half witted' as your image has us believe, right through into your old age?!!

To be perfectly honest, in my case the child is already father of the man. With the kind of work I get, I just can't afford to grow up.

Tell us do you think after so many years in the job, whether you are planning to spruce up your act, will Cyrus Broacha reinvent his image, because after all the public keeps wanting something 'fresh', what do you think will be the trick to survival?

I'm toying with a few ideas, one of which is to become a woman. That'll certainly keep things fresh! On the other hand, everybody else keeps reinventing themselves. So to keep the market balanced, someone has to remain "same old, same old".

Any words of wisdom for aspiring VJs who really idolise you, what should they be doing and what's a definite no-no for this job?

If you're a VJ, make sure you have shares in a blue chip company. Normally a VJ's tenure is shorter than the President's, and his job as uncomplicated.

What do you think of the Dubai media scene? Staying with MTV, do you think your producers might plan a shooting schedule here?

Yup. But it all boils down to money. MTV India has asked me to carry our er...bowl so please donate generously.

What's a typical day in the life of Cyrus Broacha?

Wake up in the afternoon. Plan how to escape work, escape baby, escape wife, escape mom and dad. Basically escape responsibilities. The rest of the day - escape of course!

What have been your funniest experiences working as MTV VJ?

Many actually, but one that springs to mind, is calling a leading Indian singer by a wrong name throughout an interview. Today, whenever we work with him he requests for any of the female VJs.

What are your favourite things to do when you are not being the funniest man on television?

Watch 'Discovery' channel, enjoy the animals and hence learn more about my family!