The real secret of happiness

What really makes us happy? A 75-year-old research study on happiness and the good life throws up a surprisingly simple finding

We may be able to pinpoint what makes us happy at this particular moment - it could be anything from a fun night out with friends, or curling up with a good book by ourselves at home. But what makes us happy over the course of an entire life? In other words, what are we really living for, that we can call our existence on this earth a well-rounded one, and one that really matters in the long run?
There are probably plenty of studies and research conducted on this theme, and on the subject of happiness, but one that really went viral recently surrounds a long running, 75-year-old Harvard study when its director, Dr Robert Waldinger, presented it at a TED talk a few months ago. It made for a compelling reason to listen, and take note of the ONE thing that really matters in the end, no matter what our achievements and successes in life are. Dr Waldinger, Clinical Professor at the Harvard Medical School, among other things, leads the Harvard Study of Adult Development.
During the almost 15-minute talk, he speaks about the two groups of men totalling 724 that it studied for almost eight decades and running. He particularly notes that studies of this kind are exceedingly rare, due to funds running out or the people involved losing interest, and eventually passing way, that makes it hard to perform continuing research. But thanks to a combination of luck and persistence, this one did, through generations of researchers and led by different directors - the 65-year-old Dr Waldinger is the fourth. Over 60 of the original 724 men are alive today, and most are in their 90s. The men came from two groups - well-to-do Harvard graduates, and boys from the poorest neighbourhoods of Boston. And the research was in-depth. The men weren't just asked questions year after year, but their medical health evaluated, their brain activity scanned, their spouses and children interviewed. And over 75 years, the study found that what makes people happy really lies in the simple things.
So what's the secret key? It's just one thing really: relationships. People who fostered and enjoyed close relationships with their families and friends, and built networks, tended to grow old happier. Those who were consistently lonely were not only less happy, their health failed more than the others in early midlife, and their brain and mental functioning declined faster. On another note, the study may have focused exclusively on men, but we doubt the results would be any different if it were conducted on women. Dr Waldinger closed the speech with a very pertinent question - why do we find it so hard to stick to what is age-old wisdom, really? Because we're the quick fix generation, looking for everything that's easily attainable, and not something we'd have to put effort into, maintain and upkeep.
Dr Waldinger quotes another recent survey where millennials said money and fame were most important to them. But "relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends," he stated. The Harvard study doesn't just illustrate the importance of relationships, but what we can do to improve them. It means being consciously kind whenever you can, taking the effort to reach out to someone, remembering that everyone you meet is fighting their own battles. It means this quote by Mark Twain, which Dr Waldinger also closes his TED talk with - "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."
Follow Dr Robert Waldinger's continuing findings on what contributes to the good life and happiness on his blog at robertwaldinger.com
marypaulose@khaleejtimes.com

EXCERPT FROM DR. WALDINGER TED TALK
"We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.
"Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain. So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills."

• People