V-Day special: Millennial love is more practical, sceptical... and equal

Part 3 of four different points of view on what it means to be in love in the (not-so-new) millennium: has the 'traditional' notion of romance remained the same, been buried, reformatted - or just evolved?

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud." If only people also told us that it wasn't always perfect either.
Growing up, millennials have been bombarded by oft-confused messages about love. We have the older generation with traditional values while most of their media - be it movies or songs - portray love as a given. Something that isn't meant to be questioned or looked at too deeply. Boy meets girl and all it takes is one glance to know that they're 'The One'. Sure, there are threats - parents, society, the world in general - but, for the most part, these are external. The couple remains steadfastly committed to one another. Is it romantic? Yes. Is it real? No, not really.
In just a few generations, the world has changed, and so has its definition of love.
Perhaps, this can be chalked down to what we've been watching growing up. Today, even fairytale movies no longer romanticise the idea of love at first sight (Cue Elsa from Frozen who famously quipped, "You can't marry a man you've just met!"). Movies where two people fall in love - no conversations needed - are regarded as clichés at best and laughable at worst. Today's couples require more than just good looks and a catchy tune to gel well together. Conversations make them fall in love - and make us fall in love with them too (just check out the Before Sunrise series).
And some of the best movies are the ones that go one level deeper. They showcase romances that may not last forever but change a person nonetheless (La La Land, anyone?), or that accept how some people may not be the right fit for you, no matter how you feel (500 Days of Summer), or maybe the importance of giving love a second chance after it's failed the first time around (Begin Again).
Perhaps this is, in part, due to how our ideas of gender norms have been turned upside down in the last few years. Technology is a wonderful thing that has helped start conversations about everything from feminism to gender stereotypes to toxic masculinity and more. The age where women swooned over men saving them has gone. They've been taught to save themselves. He wants to help? Great. But please don't assume that help comes with strings attached.
Of course, technology has hurt love just as much. Millennials are a generation with unlimited choices; meeting someone has never been so easy, but falling in love has never been so hard. perhaps because social media can showcase just how complicated a person can be, how impossible it is to then find one that's 'perfect'. If you give someone a house, they'll be happy forever. But tell them they get to pick any house they want - but they have only a small timeframe to do so - and they'll spend their life wondering if they could have picked better.
In between the hashtags, social media filters, dating apps, matrimonial websites, political conversations and heightened sensitivity, when a couple manages to find common ground is where love blossoms. It's not in grand gestures - spare us those clichéd airport chases or jukeboxes outside windows. Instead, millennial love may just be hidden in different forms. Taking turns paying the bill. Accepting and talking about differences (maybe she doesn't want kids, maybe he's not able to). Understanding that not all men are born with hefty bank accounts. Doing household chores without thinking you're doing your wife a favour.
A quote by Sheryl Sandberg caught my eye a long time ago, and it defines love in a whole new way. "When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier."
janice@khaleejtimes.com