There’s power in being able to let go

Former journalist Amanda Lindhout, who was kidnapped and brutally tortured by Somali militants for more than a year, tells us why letting go of anger and, instead, being compassionate is the best way to cope. She’s a living example

In 2008, during her time as a war correspondent and TV journalist, Amanda Lindhout chose to enter conflict-embroiled Somalia with her friend and freelance photojournalist Nigel Brennan. She was dead set — in retrospect, perhaps, a little too much — on reporting the ongoing humanitarian crisis and the displacement of over a million Somali refugees as a result of the war that plagued the country. That was the beginning of her harrowing ordeal, which set the wheels of Amanda’s life in motion towards an objective she didn’t think was possible.
“We were ambushed by a dozen armed militants,” Amanda recalls, “completely covered in scarves, except their eyes. But I could tell they were only boys…” She and Nigel were marched into the militants’ truck at gunpoint and then taken to a hideout where the kidnappers demanded a ransom.

CHANGING LIVES: (above) Amanda currently works with the non-profit Global Enrichment Foundation, which she founded, that aims to help Somali refugees
Amanda was held there for 15 months during which she was tortured, starved, and broken mentally, emotionally and physically.
Amanda and Nigel planned and tried to escape; an innocent Somali woman, who tried to defend them while they were running, was gunned down in public. Amanda was recaptured and brought back, after which began the sexual and physical abuse. “I went through a whole gamut of emotions from shock to fear to complete and utter helplessness. I began fearing for my life after Nigel and I were separated and I was on the verge of breaking.”
“They took away everything from me and I was angry at everything — my captors, my circumstance… The fact that I had come to try to help these people and what was now happening to me…”
She recounts, to an audience moved to tears at the UAE chapter of the Entrepreneur’s Organization — a global non-profit — that was hosting her in Dubai recently, how her captors kept her mother on the telephone line while they raped and tortured her over a period of three days, forcing her to listen.

STORY OF STRENGTH: Amanda’s recent talk at the UAE chapter of the Entrepreneur’s Organization moved the audience to tears
“By the eleventh month, while I was being abused by one of my captors, Abdullah, I had an out-of-body experience. I could see the violence below me but felt not fear, or anger, but compassion.” During her captivity, many of the young boys who became militants, came to Amanda to practise their English. They often shared stories of their unbelievably unfortunate childhoods. “I began to remember Abdullah’s childhood story of seeing his whole family murdered in front of him. I then realised that he was a boy, changed and moulded by circumstance. The only thing he knew was hurt and to hurt people.”
That’s when a switch flipped in Amanda’s head. She started to feel sorry for her captors and an up-swell of compassion for them. “I used two things to keep me afloat during the remainder of my stay: I imagined a house in the sky, a place where I would go to and see my future if I survived this ordeal; and practising forgiveness and compassion, believing that there was some humanity still left in my captors and they weren’t just monsters.” Eventually, her family managed to raise the million-dollar ransom in 15 months through community donations, securing her release.
Amanda has recounted her tale too many times, she tells me, and it takes a hefty toll on her. “I have to prepare for it at least two months in advance…” she says, but her message is not one of resentment or anger. It’s an extraordinary, and plausibly unbelievable clarion call for compassion. An exercise she shares with the group, seems unfathomable, but the power of forgiveness and compassion that she resonates is palpable. “Close your eyes. keep your back straight and feet on the floor. Begin to connect with your breath. As you breathe in, call upon the perfection of mercy and as you breathe out, call upon the perfection of compassion.
“Once you’re settled, bring to mind an image of your most dear loved one, the person with whom you carry the deepest affection and in your mind, repeat with me: ‘May you be well, may you be happy, may you be safe, may you live with ease’.” This, she says, is the easy part, but an essential beginning to the process of healing. She calls it the boundless friendliness approach and it’s a meditative technique she advocates to all those who’ll listen.
“Feel the sense of love and affection filling your body, as you connect with these feelings. Shift your focus to yourself and, again, in your mind, repeat: ‘May I be well, may I be happy, may I be safe, may I live with ease’.” This is a little harder because a lot of times people tend to blame themselves for their shortcomings and downfalls and they tend not to see past that. “There’s power in being able to let go,” says Amanda.
“Now, lastly, imagine a person towards whom you harbour some resentment. Begin to direct compassion and well wishes to them, as you repeat after me in your mind: ‘May we be well, may we be happy, may we be safe, may we live with ease’.” And this is the hardest part of the exercise. I asked her how she could possibly expect compassion from people who have lost everything without a name or a face to their woes, like the millions left destitute from the recession, or those who lost loved ones on migrant boats like the one that sank last week killing an estimated 900 people.
“Anger is a natural human emotion, you can’t push it all down. There is some value in dissecting that anger and turning it around. But holding on to it? None.” She adds that it sounds very trivial when you say that anger is a big problem in the world today. “But when we cultivate compassion and use that, we make ourselves more peaceful, which helps the community be peaceful and that helps the world be a more peaceful place. It’s incumbent on us to share that peace once cultivated. So if I learn how to find peace and share it and others share it, it spreads. And honestly, I don’t have answers for the big problems in the world, but I do know that this is one powerful place to start.”
Amanda still has PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and she went to multiple anger management classes and trauma therapy classes. “I was terribly depressed… But honestly, even though my experience was a violent one, I do not regret it,” says the 33-year-old. “I feel I have lived through something extraordinary and I feel I have a responsibility to share my story so that I can help as many people as possible. It’s important to me if people find value in it.” She feels that her story helps remind people about the strength of the human spirit, the ability to overcome adversity, and to turn it into something good.
The desire to help people has been with Amanda since her childhood. “I grew up in a small town in the middle of nowhere in central Canada. It was a poor household and I was raised by my single mom, who worked as a grocery store cashier.” For her, travel was one way to gain new perspectives and she often used it as an escape. “I knew I wanted to be a part of the bigger world. I knew I wanted to do something meaningful, but I didn’t know how I could turn that into a job.” She volunteered everywhere she stopped, but it was when she met Nigel that she was truly inspired. “I was looking for a way to give meaning to my travels and I was really taken up with what Nigel was doing, which was telling peoples’ stories and helping them. I guess that’s why I chose to be a journalist.”
Today, Amanda heads the non-profit Global Enrichment Foundation, that helps Somali refugees. “The Somali people were quite shocked that I would come back to help them, but they’ve been extremely supportive. Of course, I was scared when I first went back, but facing that fear was somewhat liberating. I’ve been back five times since and now the foundation is doing very well.”
She’s also turned her story into a best-selling novel titled The House In The Sky. The book’s been picked up by Annapurna Pictures that produced award-winning films such as American Hustle, Her and Zero Dark Thirty. Actress Rooney Mara, from The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is set to play Amanda in the adaptation and she is excited about it. “You know, the hardest part is reliving all those nightmarish episodes, but I’m glad that my story is being shared. Like I said, if people see value in it and are able to use it to overcome their own adversities, then I’m happy.” 
rohit@khaleejtimes.com

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