Mum to all: Mother-for-hire knows best

Need some maternal advice, a spot of pampering or company over a cup of tea? For 40 Dollars an hour, New York rent-a-mum Nina Keneally does all this and more

If you're young and living in a new city, chances are there'll be moments when all you want to do is call your mother and rant. You want her to listen to your problems over a cup of hot chocolate, offer reassurance that your life is, indeed, heading in the right direction, and belt out sympathetic advice in case it's not. However, all too often, that maternal advice comes with a healthy serving of 'I told you so' and other family details
you simply don't want to hear. And of course, there are always cases where it's impossible to reach your mother, or you deliberately choose not to. Whatever the reason, that's when professional rent-a-mum Nina Keneally comes in.

Family First: Nina is mum to two grown-up sons aged 28 and 31. She claims her sons are quite amused by her business idea and consider it 'a hoot
When the 63-year-old moved to the Brooklyn neighbour-hood of Bushwick with her husband two years ago, she found it teeming with young adults. And with her maternal instinct and natural tendency to help, she soon found herself giving youngsters advice - whether it was about a new job or a failed relationship. Having worked in the past as a drug and abuse counsellor, as well as a producer of Broadway shows, Nina finally decided to combine her talents, and that's when Need A Mom was born.
"It started out as a bit of a joke, but then people actually thought it was a good idea," says Nina, during a recent phone interview. "When I told my son about my business idea, he actually said 'but mum, you've always helped people - it's what you do'. And he's right. I enjoy talking to people and listening to them. And I've raised two, relatively happy, sons. So I thought I would just give it a go. If it failed, I would tell everyone it was a conceptual art project."
Which is why it came as a bit of a surprise when her idea to be a 'professional mum' was met with a flood of approval. Nina has had clients who pay her to watch movies together, help edit their CVs, give relationship advice - even bake something they love or just iron out a shirt! Having founded Need a Mom in October last year, Nina had six clients in the first month itself. Since then, she's had offers to mother clients in London and Japan, had Skype sessions with those who are not in New York, and there's already talk about adapting the business for a television show or Broadway production. So, what is the cause for her phenomenal success?
"When young people are far away from home - even if they have a good relationship with their parents - it's hard," says Nina thoughtfully. "Growing up itself is hard. No matter how good a relationship is, parents don't always understand the pressure youngsters feel. And everyone wants to talk to someone who is older and wiser to get some perspective. Most of the time, my clients already know the solution to their problems - they just need someone to talk to."
Nina also advises youngsters who have a difficult relationship with their parents, or whose parents do not approve of their lifestyle choices. Having grown up in New York, Nina is in a much better place to give advice about the many hardships when staying alone in the Big Apple, she points out. And then there's the fact that "nothing shocks her". No matter what, Nina keeps an open mind when listening to problems youngsters have. And unlike mothers, she does not nag - or even give advice, unless specifically asked. Instead, she lends a sympathetic ear and offers a shoulder to cry on, while baking delicious treats, and delicately makes suggestions. It's all very much like a session with a therapist, but much more personal. 
"There are many similarities between what I do and what traditional counsellors do," admits Nina. "But it isn't the same. For example, if a client tells me she is having a hard time with her job, I can tell her I had a very difficult time
when I was young too. But a counsellor cannot do that, because they are not supposed to disclose information about themselves. I can be empathetic."
"I'm a combination of a therapist, a personal mentor and a life coach - but not any of those things completely."
That sure sounds like a mum. But how does Nina manage to be sympathetic and give advice, without actually being seen as 'nagging' or 'pushy'? The answer to that, according to Nina, lies in having boundaries.
"That isn't something you can learn from a book," she says. "I've worked with more experienced counsellors in the past, and it really comes with experience. For example, a client recently confessed that she was in an abusive relationship and wanted to talk about it, but was not ready to go see an actual therapist. I didn't tell her what she should or should not be doing. Rather, I put her in touch with a support group in her area that deals with similar situations, so she could meet others like her and not get into a vicious cycle. I don't tell a person what to do, but if I feel like he or she is putting themselves in harm's way, I will talk about the consequences, and ask them how they are going to handle it."
There are other boundaries as well. For instance, Nina does not get too close to her clients, nor does she discuss too much of her personal life with them. "But that is only because the session is supposed to be about them, and not me," she adds.
She's also careful about the clients that she takes on. Nina usually works with young adults who are in their 20s, and generally takes on clients who are under 40. She turns down anyone who is older than 50 because "their issues will be very different" as well as clients who have problems she is not professionally equipped to deal with, in which case, she refers them to the appropriate people.
"In the past, I've had incidents where the client doesn't like what I have to say. In that case, it's like seeing a therapist. If you don't gel together, you simply stop coming and there are no hard feelings."
"But most of the time, I don't give any advice unless they specifically want them. Instead, I talk about options. I look at their problems from a different angle and often it is some-thing they may not have thought of on their own. The most important thing is to keep a sense of humour and stay light-hearted. A lot of youngsters feel like they're carrying the weight of the world on their shoulders. I help them understand that we shouldn't take ourselves too seriously."
NINA'S LIFE ADVICE FOR MILLENNIALS
I'm 30 and I don't know what to do with my life
I would suggest finding a therapist and exploring this seriously. If that's not an option, pick one area that interests you and follow it through as much as you can. Doing something is far better than doing nothing, and you don't know what other doors will open up.
My parents are trying to set me up with someone, but I'm not interested
If you don't have a significant other, why not try just meeting the person over a cup of coffee? It will get your parents off your back and there's always the chance it will be an interesting person. And you're only investing about an hour.
I've been doing the same job for years, and I'm not sure if I should make a drastic career change
There are many levels to this question. Is there something else you want to do and can? What is your financial situation? Can you afford to not work while looking for a new job or take a cut in pay? I don't recommend taking loans or money from your parents. That's not good for you or them.
I think my partner is cheating on me
There is no way to know for sure unless your partner or someone else tells you, or you hire a private investigator. Why don't you suggest couples counselling if there are issues in the relationship that you think could be causing your partner to stray?
My sibling overshadows me
One sign of maturity is giving up on comparisons. You and your sister or brother can be very different and find fulfilment and success in very individual ways. If you are happy with your life, your sibling cannot overshadow you.
janice@khaleejtimes.com

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