4 steps to nurture conscious communication

To experience more intimacy, understanding and sharing with those you care about its important to have constructive communication skills

By Anjaan

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Published: Thu 14 Jul 2022, 7:11 PM

Conscious communication is the ability to empathetically communicate with ourselves and others. It is the capacity to think sensibly and not ‘give in’ to the nonstop chatter of the mind. It is a skill that will help respond calmly to any situation or person. We learn how to read and write but have never been taught the basics of clear communication and how to express our thoughts and the intention behind our words.

To maintain healthy relationships, this is a skill and an art to nurture. To experience more intimacy, understanding and sharing with those you care about its important to have constructive communication skills. This will also help you to express yourself clearly and even give you an upper hand in your office or business.

Make it easy

The crucial principle of conscious communication is making it as easy as possible for another person to understand what you say, feel or mean. It’s the ability to ask clearly for what you need. When you feel vulnerable, you might compensate by becoming demanding and threatening, believing that power will increase the likelihood of getting what you want. This approach usually has the opposite effect.

The Yogic ideology of Turiya (or fourth state) explains how you can behave and speak in such a way that you are effective, entirely understood and completely truthful. Here are few tips for practising conscious communication.

Step #1: Active listening

Usually, when we communicate with others, we fail to truly listen to them and stay in the moment. Improving your deep listening skills will make you a conscious communicator. When the other person speaks, become aware of not only the words that they say but also the subtle and nonverbal message. Be fully attentive and curious. Have empathy to understand what they are saying instead of ‘getting ready to respond’ with your thoughts. Take the time to really listen.

Step #2: Speak after thinking

This might seem simple but it’s difficult for many. Don’t be in a hurry and always measure why you are speaking and the impact that it may have on those around you. Make it a habit to think before you speak perhaps even taking a moment to evaluate if your words are true, kind and necessary. These are the three gates of speech as propounded by Buddhism.

Step #3: Evaluate expectations

When something upsets you, identify the event or words that triggered your emotional reaction very objectively. Evaluate if your expectations didn’t meet the reality as most of the time that’s the main cause of distress. When something goes wrong, take a few deep breaths. It will help you calm down. When you say negative things, especially out of anger, they will amplify your unwholesome feeling. You might even feel worse for your words. Develop this neutral mindset towards your expectations.

Step #4: Have empathy

Always evaluate the other persons frequency and consciousness level before you speak to them. The skill of empathy will help you practise conscious communication, as you will understand and feel the intentions of the other person. Aim to always acknowledge others’ emotions, feelings and thoughts and avoid speaking from a place of sarcasm, ridicule, judgement or jealousy.

Step #5: Communication objectives

Always have the end objective for your communication in mind. Ask yourself

• Is this what I truly want to communicate?

• Am I communicating to express an idea or to relay important information?

• Is my objective to express a thought or emotion, or perhaps to share an experience

• Is it to deepen my connection?

• Are you speaking to solve a problem?

• What am I truly trying to communicate?

If you can always have the intention of connecting then you will always speak to make things better. You will notice the sound, tone, pitch and volume of your voice as this is how your personality is reflected. You can train to have a calm, expressive, loving and nurturing voice.

When you’re conscious, you get rid of unhealthy communication patterns. I wish you magnificent conversations.


Connect with Anjaan across social media @MeditateWithAnjaan

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