Dorms, discipline and life lessons

Boarding schools are generally 'popular' for making young men out of boys. We talk to a bunch of women who underwent hostel life as students and emerged stronger and wiser for it. As to whether they'd recommend it? The jury is out on that

For most women who speak glowingly of boarding schools - irrespective of whether they've ever been to one - chances are they've got Enid Blyton to thank. The well-loved author's Malory Towers and St. Clare's series are oft-credited for endearing young minds to the idea of midnight feasts and daring rescues, stern headmistresses and a gang of girlfriends who'd be true - and set the tone for how exciting living away from home must be.
My own introduction to the idea of boarding school was quite different - and occurred well before I encountered the imaginative world of the O'Sullivan twins. With my grandparents working hard in the Middle East to provide for their family, back in the 60s, my mum and her sister were enrolled at a boarding school in India, an experience that made them vow never to send their own children away.
The broader boarding school debate has always managed to sharply divide opinions into camps of those for and against - but, while they are generally considered a great platform for 'turning boys into men', we also wondered if they were just as effective at equipping young girls and women.
Dubai-based Laetitia Tregoning was 11 years old when she went to Wycombe Abbey, an all-girls boarding school in the UK with a reputation for producing such notable alumnae as Booker Prize-winning novelist Penelope Fitzgerald and cricketer Molly Hide, who captained England for 17 years. The transition wasn't very difficult for her - primarily because, like many of her peers, she too had read a "load of Enid Blyton books", including Malory Towers, the summer before she went and, therefore, "couldn't wait" to get there for her own academic adventures to begin.
Her main challenge had more to do with the school's record for high achievers - which meant that she spent most of her time "trying to keep up". The school was also very strict. "Wycombe Abbey was more disciplined than many other schools - we always felt we had the short straw compared to friends at other schools, to be honest," says the 41-year-old.
Having said that, she also insists the experience was loads of fun. "My memories are really happy ones, generally. I met some great friends - some of my school friends are definitely my best friends, and I am in touch with them even today. There is also a sense of understanding as you've been through a lot together." It's not unlike being in Dubai, she adds. "You are often away from direct family, so you lean on those around you more and, as a result, make some great friends."
For many, it's the tough, disciplined environment at boarding school that they credit with equipping them for life outside the secure confines of their alma mater. In Laetitia's case, she says the experience greatly helped shape who she is today, and even prepared her for the cutthroat world of entrepreneurship now that she's finally decided to start her own PR company, called Story PR, in Dubai. "It taught me to push myself and become as ambitious as I am today in wanting to do my own thing. At school, we were given opportunities to explore skills like public speaking and debating; there was also an initiative called Young Enterprise where, as young teenagers, we had our own businesses and sold goods within the school - a little like The Apprentice but very scaled down, of course!"
If it's one thing boarding schools are known for, it's their 'zero indiscipline' policy. Reading books like Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess only reinforced those ideas of mean and merciless authoritarian figures (looking at you, Miss Minchin) for me - and it wasn't until JK Rowling put her blessed pen to paper with the Harry Potter series that my own perspective broadened to consider that boarding schools could house teachers who could be mentors too.
Laila Clarke, who is general manager at The Studio Dubai and went to boarding school for her A-levels, says that although her school also followed traditional rules such as 90 minutes of homework each night as well as 'lights out at 10pm', it was also quite "forward-thinking and liberal", with a special focus on theatre studies. "We called the teachers by their first names and I found that they communicated with us much more as equals than the traditional teacher/student relationship," she recalls.
"They were still very strict when it came to us handing in homework late!" she continues. "But I remember that when we had taken our English A-Level exam, the teacher invited us to her house for a BBQ to celebrate. It was really nice to be treated like an equal rather than a child. I think her approach worked wonders, as we were very engaged in her classes and showed her due respect. Some of the boarding houses were also co-ed, which, from what I understand, is fairly rare for boarding schools." The students were also allowed to go into the closest town on weekends and make their own way back, as long as they were back by curfew.
Her own challenge had more to do with getting used to living with lots of other people all the time. "It can be quite full-on being with people 24/7, as there were not many places to have some down time without someone being around," she explains.
One thing that almost everyone we spoke to unanimously agrees on, however, is that the educational approach is not for everyone. Laetitia's husband is a strong advocate for boarding schools, and while she'd certainly consider it for their two boys, she's also seen how it can "make and break" people. "I think you need to take each child case by case," she says.
Georgina Victoria Morton - who has lived in the UAE for the last 22 years and just left the country this summer - strongly subscribes to the school that believes it "isn't a natural process to be separated from your parents at such a key time of life". Speaking to WKND from France, she tells of how her family used to live in Brunei. The lack of English-speaking schools for middle-schoolers there meant her folks didn't have much of an alternative, but to enrol her in a traditional (but co-ed) school in Suffolk, England.
It took a long time for the then 11-year-old to settle, and she remembers crying herself to sleep every night for the first year due to homesickness. "One of my stand-out memories is of the payphone area. There was always a queue of crying girls calling home and asking to leave. In a way, I was glad I couldn't call home (calling overseas wasn't an option) but it seemed to make the process much more painful for them." The family separation, especially after the holidays, was the hardest. "It never seemed to get any easier being left at the school and seeing your parents drive away, knowing you wouldn't see them for 10-12 weeks," she recalls.
Not all her memories are tainted by the emotional trauma of being away from home. "I did end up making an amazing group of friends and, once I settled in, I did love sharing a room with six girlfriends," she offers, fairly. What's more, she ended up marrying her best male friend from boarding school too. "We lost touch for about 15 years after we left school. He found me on Facebook 10 years ago, came to Dubai for a holiday and proposed after 10 days!"
Georgina's contrary stance to the concept of boarding school is also rooted in how deeply the experience went on to affect her relationships. "I had abandonment issues, and found it hard to trust or develop a closeness to people. I struggled with the concept of 'missing people' and grew up feeling like I only had myself to rely on, since growing up without the support of your family on a daily basis does make you independent from a very young age," she says.
With experts increasingly calling for parents to adopt a far more 'hands-on' approach these days, the mum-of-one believes growing up without the guidance of family to shape your values as well as help you understand the emotional and physical changes you go through as a teenager causes boarding school students to really "miss out".
Laetitia offers one last consideration: the cost. "It's a far heftier option than when I went to school that one really must ask if the benefits outweigh the prohibitive price. I often think of all the things you could do with the money while still educating your children well." But while she's personally grateful to have been given the opportunity to go to boarding school, she reiterates that it's always an option she'd champion - but only for the right child.
karen@khaleejtimes.com