Morning Rituals: The Big Breakfast Theory

The first meal of the day has been subjected to all kinds of 'scientific explanations'. So, what is the fuss really about?

Do you eat muesli for breakfast? How about granola? Or maybe a smoothie made from some ridiculously healthy ingredients? Oddly enough, that's what the British seem to be eating these days.

Don't forget that it was them who gave the world what we think of as breakfast. The notion of starting the day with a couple of eggs, a few strips of meat, and slices of toasted bread is an original English invention. It used to be regarded as an upper-class affectation and though we don't realise it, breakfast service at most hotels is still patterned on the British country-house breakfast.
While upper-class Brits would insist on being served by liveried footmen for lunch and dinner, breakfast was the one meal where it was acceptable to have a buffet. The aristocracy and the gentry would emerge from their bedrooms, fully dressed, and would then head for the buffet and load their plates with food on display; the eggs would be the only part of the meal that were made to order.
This is almost exactly how breakfast is still served at posh hotels and fancy restaurants around the world.

Why did the British feel obliged to eat such a hearty meal every morning? Well, partly, it was because these were about the only dishes they knew how to make. It used to be said that a man could eat very well in England if he had breakfast three times a day.
As time went on, nutritional explanations were offered. A man should breakfast like a king, lunch like a lord, and dine like a pauper, we were told.
This argument, dressed up with talk of nutritional benefits, seemed impressive. But, in fact, it was absurdly simplistic. The idea was that if you consumed the most calories at breakfast, you had the whole day to work them off. If you had the least calories at dinner, then it didn't matter if you went to bed right after.

As we now know, the human body is not quite the simple machine that early nutritionists once thought it was. And the English breakfast is now routinely regarded as the unhealthiest in the world.
So, research shows the British rarely bother with the full English breakfast any longer. Instead, they try and eat muesli and other trendy foods, which may or may not be healthy but certainly do not contain masses of calories, thus turning the 'breakfast like a king' theory on its head.
We are dealing with Britain so, of course, there has to be a class element. The English breakfast, once beloved of lords and ladies, has now been turned into a staple of working men's cafes, with the addition of baked beans (from a tin), fried bread (yes, they actually fry the bread in preference to toasting it), a revolting grilled tomato, and mushrooms that have been dipped into a vat of hot oil.
The middle classes now refer to this sort of breakfast as "a fry-up" in an effort to distance the sort of food lorry drivers eat from the world of Downton Abbey.
Personally, my problem with the full English breakfast is that once I have eaten it, I can't face a morsel of food till dinner. I prefer the approach of Continentals, who believe that the first meal of the morning should be light. In France, this usually means a Gauloise and a cup of coffee, though a flaky croissant is optional. The Italians like something sweet in the mornings and may have a small slice of a tart or a brioche and celebrate the dawning of a new day by adding milk to their coffee. In fact, breakfast is the only time that most Italians will drink cappuccino. For the rest of the day, they drink their coffee black.
Now that I am steering clear of gluten, breakfast has become a bit of a problem for me. I am not overly excited by the idea of breakfast cereals because many of them are full of sugar and are not gluten-free. Nor can I eat the brioches and croissants favoured by Continentals, let alone the pancakes and waffles that they devour on the other side of the Atlantic. Unfortunately, even Indian breakfasts can be a little heavy on the gluten content. Puris, theplas, and parathas are all out of the question.
So what is a guy like me supposed to do?
I have found the answer by looking East. All over East Asia, you will find variations of a rice porridge called congee. The Chinese like it bland because they argue that the palate is at its freshest in the morning. That is the time you must not inflict spicy flavours on your just-awakened tastebuds. As a theory, it probably makes as much sense as the English 'breakfast like a king' formulation. But even if there was a sound scientific basis to it, I like my congee better when it is packed with a little flavour.
In the Far East, they serve congee in much the same way that we serve haleem in South Asia. You get the basic rice porridge but then you can add whatever you like to it. Some people like to add chicken or shrimp, most will add a little soya, and the Thais will prefer Nam Pla (a type of fish sauce). As a good South Asian, I add lemon juice, fried onions, and chilli sauce. Some slices of egg whites and peanuts can help with the texture.
I have no idea how authentic my version is. But I'm guessing most Orientals would be horrified by the congee I eat.
But frankly, I don't care. I like my spices. And maybe if they'd had more masala-fied congee in English country houses rather than flabby pieces of meat, Victorian England would have been a more joyful place.