MH17 copilot's wife remembers love in face of tragedy

Dubai - MH17 was a scheduled passenger flight from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur, carrying 283 passengers and 15 crew on board.

Asmaa was gearing up to go to bed early on the night of July 16, 2014, as her husband Ahmad - a pilot - was to land in Kuala Lumpur at 6.30am the next morning.
That is exactly when the phone rang: it was Ahmad on the other end. "I couldn't sleep all night, Asmaa, I am missing our son (Abdul Rehman, then only eight months old) too much," Ahmad said.
Attempting to console her husband, Asmaa said: "Relax, it's just a matter of few hours and you'll see him first thing in the morning after you land." Ahmad wanted to speak further and see his son on Facetime before he took off, but the WiFi signals were weak and wouldn't connect. So he called and had the brief phone chat with her.
That was the last time Asmaa ever spoke to her husband.
Asmaa Aljuned is the wife of the late Ahmad Hakimi Hanapi, copilot of Malaysia Airlines flight MH17, which crashed on July 17, 2014. He was only 29.
MH17 was a scheduled passenger flight from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur, carrying 283 passengers and 15 crew on board, when it was shot down by a missile on July 17, 2014 while flying over war-torn territory in eastern Ukraine, leaving no survivors.
Asmaa is in Dubai for a training and workshop programme for Gocrisis Management, a company that supports organisations to deal with crisis involving their brand that has affected people.
Recalling that dreadful day, Asmaa told Khaleej Times: "I woke up the next morning with someone banging my door. As I opened it, someone screamed, 'MH17 has crashed!'. I said 'That's his flight!' There was complete pandemonium in the house as I could hear my in-laws screaming and crying. I just blankly looked around and saw my eight-month-old baby sleeping peacefully, thinking that I don't want him to go through this in life. I don't want him to grow up thinking about this tragedy. with all the sadness and sorrow."
Talking about how the news surrounding the crash was politicised, Asmaa said: "The sad part is that there was no one to confirm in person that it had happened. All we knew was from the TV. I could see his name, his pictures being posted on TV and the Internet. My phone was ringing off the hook but not one person was ready to confirm the death. The whole thing was highly politicised, especially after the whole MH370 mystery (the Malaysian Airlines flight that disappeared just four months prior to the MH17 crash, and was never found)."
But Asmaa did not let the circumstances overtake her, and mustered all her strength and positivity to rebuild her life. "It has been hard for me, but I didn't want to get those sympathetic looks from people. I wanted to build a life. People thought what will become of us, as a pilot is supposed to be pretty well off financially. And here I was, a housewife, left stranded with no job and a baby to care for."
Rebuilding lives
Postponing her emotions that threatened to envelope her in depression, Asmaa chose not to cry. "I didn't sleep properly for six months after my husband's death, trying to understand the situation and be proactive and start out again. I did not cry as I could not afford to. I have a life to build with my son. I have to rebuild it first and then cry later. Emotionally, I have put off a lot of things and now I am focusing on business, plus a full-time job with the World Health Organisation and also studying alongise. I want to be a role model for my son," she says.
Death, at times, imparts some invaluable lessons and Asmaa learnt hers with a hint of optimism. "I look at the positive side now. It's only when I lost Ahmad did I realise how much I loved him. I realised that death is not only about sorrow, but also love. It makes us realise how much we loved the person we lost. The amount of pain you suffer is proportionate to your love. Since I can't bring him back to life, I mustered whatever positivity I could. The least I can do is pave the way for my son."
'You are your best therapist'
After juggling with different emotions and responsibilities, Asmaa concludes: "We are our best therapists. People can help you only to a point, but no one can help you if you don't want to help yourself. Embrace your loss, don't be afraid to seek help and get rid of your ego. Give yourself a break. You are not born perfect and there is always a way to fix yourself. Don't be shy - if you need help, go ask for it. It is important to talk and seek help at times because that's how we humans are made. We need each other."
Voicing her concern about the issues faced by widows and single moms, Asmaa said: "Women everywhere should be appreciated. I want to tell women that you can be whatever you want to be. If you have the passion and love, go ahead and do what you do best. Do not let the society shape you."
Today, she helps people like her by sharing her experiences of tragedy. Helping Gocrisis Management, which trains a dedicated team on dealing with the aftermaths of a disaster, she helps impart basic skills like identifying people who need support, approaching them, identify their needs and linking them with whatever they need.
Gocrisis managing director Elmarie Marais told Khaleej Times: "We are basically the soldiers on the field supporting the organisation to deal with any incident or accident. We want all the affected ones -and this includes the victims and their beloved ones- to find comfort in what we can bring to them, and thereby to more easily survive the crisis they are experiencing.
"It is important to make our training and sessions real to our Goresponders, who are volunteers to become part of our team to provide this care. It is very important to put yourself in the shoes of the those affected, and that is how Asmaa is bringing her perspective to our training."
Their Dubai plans that never took off.
Ahmad and Asmaa were, in fact, planning to move to Dubai, after first visiting the UAE on their honeymoon in 2011.
The second time the couple came to Dubai was in 2014, as Ahmad wanted to join Emirates airlines. They did a recce trip to look for houses and to get an idea of the schooling here.
Tragically, if the crash had not happened, the couple would've started a new life in Dubai soon after. "We came here two months before he died, as Ahmad had envisioned our life here in Dubai and was all set to join Emirates in 2015. But I guess God had some other plans."
This is, thus, Asmaa's third visit to Dubai. "The only difference is that this time I am alone, without him. Dreams do crash but we can always rebuild them. It is a bitter-sweet thing, but I have learnt to look at it positively. I am bringing something positive from the past and not just leaving it there. It's nice to come back to Dubai again, and get to see life from different perspectives each time: the first time as a newly-wed couple, then as a family, and now alone,"Asmaa told Khaleej Times.
saman@khaleejtimes.com 

• UAE