Are you making enough time for family?

Families that take time out to engage and have fun together are building a bank of memories and learning life lessons

Everyone's at the dinner table, but the only sound that can be heard is the resounding silence - save for the occasional clatter of a spoon. Alternatively, the whole family is home - but locked away in their own rooms, engrossed in their own books or screens.

If this is the story of your life, it's no wonder that experts are constantly furnishing new studies about how 'family time' is increasingly taking a hit these days. In fact, a recent survey of 500 respondents across the region by fashion retailer Centrepoint found that while an overwhelming 96 per cent of those surveyed lived with their families, over a fifth have less than one meal a day with those loved ones.
With the demands of everyday life and the drudgery of routines necessitating an endless loop from home to school (or work) and then to bed, it might seem that making time to bond with your loved ones inevitably finds itself at the bottom of your 'to-do list' for the day. Well, May 15 is International Day of Families, so WKND spoke to some families around town to find out how they nurture ties that bind.

ART ATTACK: Ahilya (above, right) enjoys a DIY painting session with her family
'Kids have some of the best family entertainment ideas'
Growing up, Fridays for Canadian expat Ahilya Sharma were unequivocally 'family days'. Born and raised in the UAE, it was only when she went away to Concordia University in Canada that she realised how much she'd taken the time she had with her family for granted. "We lived a very sheltered life here, so to suddenly not have the same feeling of safety and belonging came as a huge shock to me," she says.
Back in Dubai now - as a homemaker and mother of two - Ahilya and her husband make it a point to continue that tradition of doing everything together as a family on Fridays - and they love that there's "so much more" that can be done around town than was the case when they were young. Like the time the family decided to try out a spot of DIY painting at thejamjar, a community arts space in Alserkal Avenue, Al Quoz.
None of them are particularly artistically inclined - but the experience is one that Ahilya remembers with much joy, months later. "My son is six and at the age where he's very creative and loves to draw and paint. Having a large canvas to himself in a studio, surrounded by beautiful pictures and paints and brushes, and dressed in an apron, thrilled him no end." Her toddler daughter, meanwhile, soon opted to ditch the brushes and had a ball smearing the paint on canvas by hand. A licence to get messy? What was not to love!
The experience served to bond the Sharmas together in a most memorable way. "There's this energy sharing that takes place when you're doing something 'as a team'," she says. In this case, the family also got to leave with multiple canvasses - of their own creations - as keepsakes. They're not Picassos by any stretch of the imagination, Ahilya jokes. But they're all framed and now hang up on their walls at home, as a reminder of good time the famlly had.
Finding activities that involve the entire family tends to be tricky, considering the age gap. But it is not a concern that crops up when you're making art. Says Ahilya, "I'm not sure I'd want to bounce around on a trampoline or go ice skating very often. But art is ageless. No matter how old or young you are - and this applies even to babies - it's a beautiful way to bond when you paint together. There could be a stroke on that canvas that may remind you of the moment you accidentally splashed paint on your face and everyone had a good laugh. In this digital world, having something physical like that to remind you of the time spent together is priceless."

The family hopes to go back for more art sessions soon. "It's a safe, 'mutual zone', where the time spent with kids does not involve serious discussions or discipline," says Ahilya; moments that are just as important and go a long way towards improving bonds. "As adults, we think we know what children want to do for entertainment, but I've found that kids have some of the best ideas. Listen to them."

FREQUENT FLIERS: Saresa with her husband during one of the family's regular trips to Cape Town
'Don't over-plan it'
South African expat Saresa Anthonissen is under no illusions. "Family time is very much compromised these days," she believes. A hectic pace of life and technology play their roles, but in her household, it has more to do with conflicting schedules. Saresa's husband is a pilot with Emirates and, as creative director for Dubai Desert Group, she too travels a lot. As a result, a lot of their 'family time' depends on "whoever is available in Dubai" at a given moment. "We try to make the most of the time we do spend together," laughs the Dubai-based mum-of-two.

With their constant travels and the difficulty of getting the kids away from their screens ("there's always something more interesting going on in some other part of the world!"), Saresa has found that food tends to work as a great connector in their home. "At some point, the kids do get hungry and are forced to come down for food," she says. "We enjoy cooking together a lot, and spending time together over a meal."
They also do a lot of holiday getaways - at least 4-6 times a year. Thailand, Sri Lanka and Cape Town in South Africa are favourite haunts. "I find shorter vacations work better for us - as opposed to one long holiday. Not only does it break up the routine of a normal school year, it also puts us all in one location together and allows us to explore things as a family."
Ever noticed the difference in the quality of time spent with loved ones while on holiday and otherwise? Saresa has. "Spending time with each other while on holiday is somehow much nicer. Everyone's so relaxed and there aren't the usual distractions - or tensions," she points out.
The family does not have set rules about the use of gadgets at home ("I can hardly institute a 'no-screen time' rule with a 16-year-old when most of his homework requires a computer!"), but they do try to get the kids out of bed early every now and then on the weekends in order to go cycling together. Their regular route starts from their home in Jumeirah all the way down to the Dubai Creek. "It's lovely to be out like that together," says Saresa. "It feels like a different world too, because we're so used to driving to places. Cycling gives us a chance to talk as we go, and catch up on everyone's weeks."
To anyone struggling to find that elusive balance between work and life, she says, "Don't over-plan it. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get the balance right, but really, it's just about trying to spend as much time as possible together and enjoying the time we do have."

GAME ON: Ritu (far right) and her family love playing tennis
'We play a lot of games together. I never let the kids win!'
At the Bhargava household, the family of four shares a pact: every other day, everyone takes it in turns to choose an activity and that's what the foursome engages in for the next 30 minutes. If the seven-year-old wants to play netball or 'donkey', that's just what everyone does for the next half hour. Making sure they do things as one unit is a big part of mum Ritu's day; and while the kids - her son is 14 and her daughter, 7 - won't go grocery shopping "willingly", she says there is no question about anyone not attending the other's school event or extracurricular activity together.
"That practice took a while and a lot of coaxing too," admits the Indian expat. "The kids still fight like crazy [if they don't want to attend their sibling's event] and, sometimes, it would honestly be easier to leave the one who doesn't want to go at home - but you have to keep communicating and finding a way to do things together as a family."
One activity that works really well for them in that respect is organising board game nights. Sequence, Monopoly, UNO - the family is constantly on the lookout for a new game to try their hand at. "Board games are mentally stimulating and a lot of fun - especially with the age difference, it's something all of us can enjoy. In fact, my daughter beats us all, hands down, at UNO now."
Apart from board games, the family also plays a lot of tennis together - and enjoy quiz games at home, thanks to Kahoot!, an app that allows users to create a learning game in minutes using a series of multiple choice questions. "All of us are very competitive," Ritu asserts. "Our motto is: to each his own. And that includes me: I never let my kids win or 'get away'!"
Spending all this time together has helped "teach the kids life skills without them realising it" - and gotten them to open up more. "They tend to be more relaxed and open during a fun activity, because they see you more as a friend and so, tell you things they may not tell you otherwise."
Though she runs her own company, Starting Point Dubai, Ritu is currently working towards shutting down operations and taking a break from work in order to spend more time with the kids. "I'm not terribly career-minded and I'm lucky that I don't necessarily need to work. It helps to have one parent look after the financial aspect, so the other can focus on the home front."
This summer, the couple is considering ("only considering!") limiting the family's use of phones to just 30 minutes a day to see how that would help them bond better. "We keep telling kids to put their phones away, but we adults have to take a timeout as well. I'm not sure if it will work, because I'll have to plan their entertainment much in advance. I'll have to figure out what they can do to stay engaged during the day that won't end with them in front of the telly... It would be much easier to give them a phone than come up with an activity - but we want to give it a shot, and see how it goes!"  
karen@khaleejtimes.com