Why don't you say it like you feel?

We'd all be a lot less stressed and much happier if we could truly voice our feelings

We were at someone's place the other day and this guest said, you don't mind if I smoke, and like Pilate, without waiting for an answer, proceeded to light up. But before he could flick the Bic, the hostess said, as a matter of fact I do, this is a non-smoking house. There was an awkward silence and I was just thinking what fun if we could all be so honest. Now, instead of hugging and back-slapping people we cannot stand and pretending to be comrades in arms, we could turn around and say, sorry, don't like you, get out of my face.
Imagine being able to say, sorry, not making it to that event because you are not my favourite person. And that person saying, what a relief, you are not mine either, so delighted you won't be coming, have a nice day. So much more honest and upfront. Both sides are happy, there is no two step into hypocritical affection and so much energy and time saved.

There is no doubt that honesty gets a raw deal. We spend so much of 'e' and 't' (see above) pretending to say and be what we are not and we gild it all with labels like good manners and breeding when we have to swallow or disguise how we feel.

You get on a plane. With poor luck you get a lady with a baby next to you. With real tough luck you get a natterer. incessant yap, yap, yap. There goes the book, the movie, the oasis of calm you were hoping for. Wouldn't it be nice if you could say, sorry, I don't talk to people on flights, this is my down time, I do not wish to speak with you, so stick to your air-space and stuff it. So pleasant and if socially made acceptable that gasbag can say, just my luck getting to sit next to a bore like you, excuse me, can I change my seat. Life would be so much happier.

Especially on the home front. I don't want to go to this party, darling, because I don't want to go, don't like them, don't like the people who will be there, that's it.

You do realise your swash has buckled, your get up and go has got up and gone, you are dull and dreary, I wish I could change you for a chicken sandwich.

Now, you don't have to waste a whole evening flinging inanities like 'hey, what's up' and 'long time no see' and 'look at you' and 'how's life' and 'where have you been hiding', these five statements comprising the core of the conversation.   
What about this surreal scenario.

The wife buys something expensive, puts it on and pirouettes into the room and asks, like it? No, you say, it is a thorough waste of money, the colour is all wrong and if you wear this monstrosity - I am not coming with you, if the tag is not ripped off, I strongly suggest you return it for a refund. That's a thought.

So much better than oooh, it is so you, loverly, oh so abso-blooming-lootely great (how much did it cost?)
Imagine someone saying, stop me if you have heard this one and you, stopstopstop and you get away with it. I believe we exhaust so much energy and time being nice and tolerant and all we are really doing is engaging in a gigantic fib.

See yourself at a company meeting. The MD is saying, so that's my gameplan, anyone have any comments, go on, criticise it, break it down, folks, don't mind me, I want you to be honest. So, while everyone else is raising it to the level of Everest and piling on the manure you say, well, Sir, now that you want the truth let me just say this to you, the idea stinks. The boss laughs and says, really, hmmmmm, and what is your name again.
I tell you we'd all be a lot less stressed in the long run and much happier if we could truly voice our feelings. Then no, nobody would sneer at you if you didn't like the latest 'intellectual' bestseller nor would they laugh out loud if you said your idea of a good read was Ed McBain.

You could then cheerfully confess that you never understood Birdman or Dancing With Wolves, even if they won the Oscar and you think that splotches of paint on canvas is not art, and screaming on top of your lungs is not music, and making boring films is not expressionism, so there, hard cheese, take it or leave it.  
bikram@khaleejtimes.com