There is a word for why women are losers

There is a word for why women are losers

By Bikram Vohra

Published: Fri 23 Jun 2017, 12:00 AM

Last updated: Fri 30 Jun 2017, 11:03 AM

With a wife, two daughters and three granddaughters, this is quicksand territory and I should actually be avoiding it. But being a glutton for punishment, I am going to put it out there and see if some woman can kick the hell out of it as a theory.
Of course, the headline is written to provoke you. May even make you read a bit more.
I read this very unusual article the other day and though it prattled on about why women lose out to men or get jammed with their faces pressed against the glass ceiling (real and convenient), the article was actually pro-women. In essence, it gave out the trick of how men got past women because, without realising it, the piece explained how they surrender their space and become secondary.
Scientists, ladies, have worked out that one of the reasons why women lose ground in an official environment is because of a word that they use. One would think that the word is sorry or something apologetic or one of those popular swear words. It is none of these.
I tried to list some of the words that we associate with women like the good, the bad and the ugly: scorned, beautiful, catty, pushy, wily, soft, manipulative, cold, graceful, generous, soothing, calming, childlike, gullible, mild, gentle, understanding, aggressive, mean, petty. even went to labels like babe and girlie.
I was so off the mark, not even lukewarm.
It is a simple word.
Just.
A four-letter word that makes them lose control or come in second. If you are a woman, it so happens that by using the word 'just' into two of every five sentences you give yourself away. Just coming. Just answering the email. Just looking into the file. Just about to do this. It is apologetic. Yes, very much so.
Can it be so much of an indictment? I wasn't impressed. Surely, men use it too. But not that often, and coming from women it sounds like surrender.
According to the research, it is some sort of a refuge to cover up one's lack of confidence or nervousness and also a certain kind of element of deceit that comes out, so ask yourself if you are like that. There is a signal out there in that word which sends out a negative message. It is not assertive. It is wishy-washy and self-effacing. The centre is not hardcore; it becomes mushy. I just thought I'd ask.
Men do not use it that much and when they do, it isn't uncertain, so deep runs the gender gorge.
Let's take an example. You have to send out a mail asking a client to give you an overdue payment. If you write and say just hoping that you would send it today or just to remind you that it's overdue, you send out a signal to the other side that there is wiggle room.
Now, you send the same letter without the word 'just' as a prefix. See the difference. I wish to know if the money is coming today. The courier will be at your office to collect the overdue payment.
Now, maybe it's because women were always subordinate and multitasking, so they were short of time and they began to use the word 'just' to get a breather. Just, just, just.
Makes us sound guilty of hiding something. I am just coming. Just a sec. Just doing it, like we were hiding something and the word was a cover-up.
I do strongly believe men also use it but in that horribly unfair way that women are fat and men are prosperous, and women are old hags and men are grey hair distinguished, when men say 'just' they are being relaxed and casual and not hauled up for this. Women have to pay a price.
You may not agree with me over this research but think about how much a part of your daily language is the word 'just'. You have no idea how much more successful and more competitive you might be if you stop using the word 'just' so frequently.
Even if you are a man.
Just is a terrible word in itself. It's not even romantic. I just called to say I love you. What else were you doing? Suggests it is a package deal, not even making a single-minded call about love. have to add 'just' like an afterthought.
Research indicates that the less we use the word 'just' in our conversation, the stronger would be the personality. We would be more assertive, project more clarity of purpose and stress our intent.
Instead, we just do not understand why we just keep saying just.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com




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