The neglected and the neglectful

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The neglected and the neglectful

Are parents becoming mobile-holic? Do you reach for your phone first thing in the morning?

By Bikram Vohra

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Published: Fri 20 Dec 2019, 3:24 PM

Last updated: Fri 27 Dec 2019, 8:22 AM

It has become fashionable for everyone to blame parents for neglect and the acts of omission and commission that occasionally end up in tragic circumstances. Perhaps it is necessary to place things in perspective and not always throw them under the bus. Parents, by and large, do their best and have their children's interests so much at the heart of everything they do and yet, get little credit for the enormous good while being indicted for the infrequent bad.
That said, there is one area where I think they do need to be a little more careful, and that is the three-way relationship between parent, child and gadgetry in a world hurtling along at a breakneck speed where technology is concerned.
We admonish our kids for constantly being on their devices and see it as an act of disobedience when they rebel. Stop watching TV while eating. Leave the iPad alone. Who are you writing to, pay attention.
This is all very well, but has it ever struck you how unfair it is to tick off the child when all the kid sees around are gizmos? The domestic help is on the phone, as is the driver. You yourself are guilty of doing exactly what you are telling your child not to do. Everyone around them is engaging in this 4G conspiracy and seeking third party audio-visual nourishment around the clock. Why should a child not be confused by the berating when everyone is doing it?

The other day, a young man was bemoaning how his mum, a mobile-aholic, is incessantly on the phone. She is obsessed, he says; sometimes, she makes calls just to make calls. It is like a manic obsession. If she cannot make a call, she fidgets with the instrument, cannot leave it alone for a minute. Some of her conversations cross half an hour.  
It is an illustration of a situation far more common than we acknowledge. Adults are victims of the tech allure even as they deny it. The madness of playing games can become a fixation that is all-consuming. Video game addiction is now accepted as a mental health condition and can be so overwhelming as to eclipse and impact daily life. It is not yet rife but the numbers, thanks to folks like you, are rising fast.

Between being surrounded by so many electronic items and the vicarious passion that adults can express for viewing the lives of strangers and transporting themselves into a virtual reality world, blaming children for following suit is unfair.
You have to step back a bit and, as an adult, see how much you are expending in what is essentially a wanton waste of time. If you are honest, you must ask, is this person really me and have I begun to renege on my other duties while surrendering so much time, energy and effort to the altar of the button?

You might well be surprised to note that three to four hours of electronic captivity per day is par for the course. If someone said that to you, there is no doubt you would be offended. But add up the minutes and the time snatched in bits and pieces and you would shock yourself.

Test yourself. Do you reach for your phone first thing in the morning to check who made contact? Are you disappointed to discover the world did fine without connecting with you? Do you find yourself wasting hours reading about trivia in other people's days? Do you pride yourself on the number of people who are your 'friends'?
Do people at work or home complain that you are not listening to them when they speak to you? Do you have more friends on social media than in real life? Do you go into panic mode if you leave your phone behind? Do you think nothing could be a bigger disaster than a place with no wi-fi? Do you actually believe the 'likes' on your post are a measure of your popularity?
Stop yelling at your kids. Yell at yourself. you are losing it.
bikram@khaleejtimes.com


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