Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match

By Bikram Vohra

Published: Thu 30 Jul 2020, 9:00 PM

Last updated: Thu 30 Jul 2020, 11:31 PM

So the whole family is sitting around and basking in each other's warm glow (which is usually the start of a conflagration as the glow sparks an argument), when the Indian Matchmaking series wriggles its way into the discussion. It's this big show on Netflix and you either like it, hate it, or love to hate it or hate to love it.
So, did you guys have an arranged marriage, asks my son-in-law.
I say, of course not, we met through a friend, Mum went gaga the moment she met me and there was no looking back. She chased me to the wedding day.
Rubbish, says my wife, of course it was arranged, you really think I would fall in love with him.
Told you not to start it, says my daughter, now this conversation will go to hell in a basket.
Yep, they will start bickering about it, says the younger one, here we go, evening shot to pieces.
You did fall in love, I say, foolishly ignoring all warning signs, your mother sat on the corner of the bed and sang Hindi songs for me.
Stop, says the older one, you are in dangerous territory, Mum is going to shoot you down.
I didn't even like you, says my wife, you were boorish, boring and arrogant and I sang two lines because you were pathetically begging me and I felt sorry.
Three songs, I say, I can give you the names.
Is ok, dad, we believe you, no need for details.
You believe him, says my wife, her tone now distinctly shrill, you really think I would have sung three songs when I was desperate to get out of there.
Ha, says I, you stayed for dinner.
What an imagination.
Guys, say both the sons-in-law, let it go, we do not want to know.
Yes, say the girls, it's doesn't matter how you got married, enough that you got married.
To think of all the offers I had, says my wife, and this is what I settled for in the lucky dip, I still don't know why I agreed.
Because you were smitten, I say.
Ha, smitten, the only reason I  married you is because I wanted to avoid my exams. Marriage seemed the lesser evil.
Sheesh, say the girls, can we talk about safe stuff like in the matchmakers, didn't you like Nadia. and is Akshay married.
You can still do your exams, I say, I never stopped you. It has only been 41 years.

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