When grandparents get gleeful
Our children have children. That means we are grandparents four times over. And grandparents have only one role: to get even with their children for past slights, indiscretions and sleepless nights. We camouflage it all in foamy love, but it is delightfully wicked. The way to go about this is to wreck the rigid routine that the children have established for the grandchildren.
There is a delicious joy in this that makes being a grandparent so worthwhile. All you grandpas and grandmas out there, don't get bullied; grandkids are for spoiling - it is the law of nature. Making your adult kids grit their teeth and grin and bear it at the same time is such fun.
Your children have also made it easier to outflank them because of all this new parenting stuff going on and how every minute has to be accounted for. The day is spliced into half hour segments and a schedule is made and it has to be adhered to like you were at boot camp. In our time, they just flung us into the deep end and said, swim. Now, they are monitoring everything and interpreting each action and telling us what to do.
Completely forgotten is the fact that we brought them up and we didn't do too badly, did we? Every now and then, they have to let the grandkids stay over (reluctantly) and they have that dubious expression on their faces. You should see the treatise of things to do that's given because they are staying one night with Nana and Nani. You'd think they were going to war. Brush your teeth. No sweets. No late nights. No midnight feasts. No ice cream.
Then your kids admonish you. Please don't give them chocolates and toffees and cake and.
.Okay, guys, off you go, don't worry, we won't, promise.
Dad, you have that look on your face, if you give them that stuff, I won't let them stay next time.
So, as grandparents, you lie through your teeth. Pinky swear, they will be in bed by 8pm sharp.
Shut the door, just us and the grandkids. Ha, now the fun begins.
Why have you returned?
Dad, did you give her a cookie?
No. Bland-faced fib, look at the joy on her face. Worth it.
Yes, you did, now she'll have a sugar high and she won't sleep. Why are you doing this?
Because I am a grandfather and grandfathers do that and there is another cookie coming when you leave the room.
Like giving a four-year-old baby a sip from your glass?
That, too. It was only one little sip and it was good, single malt stuff.
And you gave her cotton candy in the morning, you know what that'll do to her teeth, no one gives children cotton candy any more.
They do. Lots of marzipan, too.
These young parents read all these fancy books on bringing up children and they forget that breaking the routine is the best routine of all.
Ssssshhh, it is 8.30, grandkids' sleep time. Silence everyone. What if they slept at 9 o'clock, what if they slept at 9.30, would it make much of a difference, come on, let's go for broke, make it 10 o'clock. Nothing will happen.
Why have you called?
They are still awake, do you know the time?
What are you all doing, put one of them on the liner?
Here, Mum wants to talk to you.
Hi Mama, Nana gave us candy and at midnight, we are having a feast.
You are what, put your grandfather on the line now.
Dad, you are not having a midnight feast.
Who, me, never.