#DeleteFacebook? Try #QuitSocialMedia

In a hyper-connected world, is it even possible to stay off social media platforms for long - before you give in and join the madding crowd?

Last year, around this time, I remember actively attempting to dissuade a friend from getting off Facebook. I couldn't fathom what said person was on about when they protested the platform was getting them down - not to mention, a complete waste of time. "So, regulate how much time you spend on it," I replied, "why get off?" To my mind, everyone was on Facebook. And while I wasn't one to spend hours scrolling through my feed or 'checking in' incessantly, I admit, I considered it a red flag if you didn't have an account.
That was then. This is now.
I've been off Facebook for four months and counting (never been on Instagram; Twitter... the less said, the better - so this was essentially my last link to the club). It's not much, perhaps, in the great scheme of things. But I do know this: the effect of cutting off what had become a daily feed of toxicity was instantaneous. I hated how everyone was constantly up in arms about everything there - rabidly so. Not to mention how inadequate my news feed had begun to make me feel. Whenever folks talked about how other people's 'perfect' lives gave them a serious complex, I promptly chalked it down to poor self-esteem. But that was before late last year, when I realised that it wasn't so much that I was going through what felt like my personalised version of the Great Depression, Facebook was very much the Great Depressor. It wasn't the source of my blues (that would be giving it too much credit), but it contributed relentlessly to it. So, I did what I once considered unthinkable: I got off.
A few weeks ago, #DeleteFacebook almost became a movement, with heavyweights like Elon Musk calling for people to dump the social media giant in the wake of the ongoing data misuse controversy. It didn't really take off though, despite all the alarming Big Brother-like details that have begun emerging from the woodwork. Conversations with friends shed a sliver of light on why. "Hashtags are all well and good, but deleting your social media account is a bit much. Downright impossible in today's world," said one media pal.
Admittedly, looking for people who had (successfully) taken this 'drastic' step turned out to be much like the proverbial needle in a haystack. But while they were tricky to find and belong squarely in the minority, they are outliers who are proving - every day - that social media has very little bearing on surviving, or even thriving, in the world today.

THE OUTLIERS: Irene Ahmed (left), and Sascha Winter
NO REGRETS
For Dubai-based travel consultant Irene Ahmed, Twitter and Instagram were the first to go a couple of years back, followed by Facebook about six months ago. Weaning herself off the platforms was a process that took years - but she has zero regrets. "There were multiple reasons that led to the decision," says the 26-year-old. "For one, it was feeding unhealthy, consumerist behaviour - making me wish for things I couldn't afford, and implying I should be unhappy when, really, my life was fine as it was. It was also very addictive; I was checking my feeds constantly ."
But, above all, it was the fakery that got to her. "They were useful platforms, but all led you to believe you were socialising when you weren't. It was like we only wanted to feel validated by the engagement we could drum up, but not be a fellow human to others." There's also what she calls 'over-socialisation', where lives portrayed "only exist in the matrix of social media"; think people posting pictures of themselves laughing when they're actually depressed, influencers starving themselves for the perfect flat belly shot.
Disconnecting did wonders for her mental makeup ("I was no longer comparing myself to others") - but she admits the downside is that she often feels left out. "To be honest, that is the only con," she says. "I used to use Facebook to see events happening near me - that was a really useful feature. Now, I often feel like I'm missing out, because I no longer have the Facebook ads or reminders to keep me in the loop. But it's fine - I just go straight to the Dubai Opera website now to keep up with shows."
As with everyone else we spoke to, she uses WhatsApp and video calls to stay in touch with family and friends. [Incidentally, the unanimous agreement is that WhatsApp is more a messaging app than a social media one. So, while it looks like it might be evolving into the latter (hint: that game-changing 'Status' feature it recently introduced), the distinction remains for now.]
WHAT ABOUT THE CAREER LINK?
One of the biggest arguments for the necessity of social media in the 21st century, however, isn't personal - but professional. As one colleague declared, "If you are at all serious about your career, you need social media." Self-described millennial computer scientist Cal Newport made a pretty compelling case during his 2016 TEDx Talk for why his vision of the future would be one in which fewer people use social media. The Georgetown University professor has himself never had a social media account, but as he puts it: he still has friends, knows what's going on in the world, collaborates with people the world over for work, and rarely describes himself as lacking entertainment options.
Specifically with regard to social media being indispensable to professional success today, Cal believes that in a competitive 21st century economy, what the market values is the ability to produce things that are rare and valuable - an argument he makes in his book Deep Work. "What the market dismisses are activities that are easy to replicate and that produce a small amount of value. Social media use is the epitome of an easy-to-replicate activity that doesn't produce a lot of value - it's something any six-year-old with a smartphone can do," he says, pointing people instead to 'deep work' such as writing an elegant algorithm, or a legal brief that could change a court case, or being able to pull out business-transforming insights from a sea of ambiguous data. "If you can produce outcomes that are rare and valuable, people will find you. regardless of how many Instagram followers you have."
Head of operations at Dubai-based Platinum Events Sascha Winter fails to see any merits that social media brings to his business either. "When I started my own companies, I created social media pages for them out of necessity, since that seemed to be the norm. But, to date, I've never made a sale or contract based on my activity on social media. I cannot speak for other people that are presenting themselves so well on these platforms that they are able to make a business out of it. But the business I generate comes purely from personal networks and referrals."
The German expat quit his personal accounts about three years ago, due to an unpleasant incident that involved furious arguments with those directing hate speech at refugees attempting to migrate to Germany at the time. "I got slaughtered on Facebook for defending the refugees - but it bothered me more that comments from strangers sitting miles away could affect me so much." That incident was the last straw, but prior to that, Sascha says, albeit he too was initially addicted to the hunt for likes (what he calls "absolute nonsense" in hindsight), it was the platform's insistence on curating his content that was more alarming. "Facebook's algorithms are designed in such a way as to fill your news feed with the kind of content they presume you want to see. I thought that was quite dangerous. I want to get my news voluntarily from sources I choose, not from mechanism that suggests 'This is the news you want to read'. The liberty to choose that content should be mine alone, not directed by a program or software. And it might seem easy for me to say that now, in light of the recent Zuckerberg hearings at Congress, but this was something I realised years ago - which is why I quit."
People tend to be "flabbergasted" when they discover he doesn't have a Facebook account and can't remember the last time he checked into Twitter and Instagram ("I should probably delete those accounts too"). But he doesn't mince words for those who believe they could never quit social media. "Drug addicts say the same thing - this is just a different kind of addiction. The mind is stronger than that... I can tell you of a thousand things that are impossible to do - quitting social media is not one of them."
Technically, you could say I'm not off Facebook, because I haven't deleted my account yet. Unfortunately, the company has managed to permeate our lives even outside of Facebook, so, at times, it's only possible to view certain content if you log in (whatever happened to good, old email sign-ins?). On the rare occasion I do - as I did recently to access the most powerful slam poetry performance I've seen in a while - it'll be the quickest 'get in-get it-get out' operation ever. My mental health has improved far too much for me to even want to stay.
Facebook, for its part, continues to 'tempt' me in earnest, doggedly pushing through notifications on my phone (even though I'm logged out!). But I can't tell you how liberating it is to see an alert that says 'Karen, your friend just updated her status' or 'Karen, see what your friend posted', swipe it right and get on with my actual life.
karen@khaleejtimes.com