Dear Therapist: ‘I’m unable to move on after my break-up’
It has been one year since my previous relationship ended and I thought I was doing better in the process of getting over it and moving on with my life. But I still find myself sobbing uncontrollably at random times, on random days, when a certain memory or thought pops up. And suddenly, I feel it’s all come back. It’s draining. — Surya
Dear Surya, I am sorry that you are struggling with the loss of a relationship that meant a great deal to you. Very often, meeting someone new will facilitate healing from a broken heart. However, before you can fully give your heart to a new significant other, you will have to have closure on your past relationship.
Often in life, we have to accept the unpleasant realities. The path to acceptance comes with strong feelings like anger and sadness. It’s okay to have a big cry when you have a memory or thought about your ex. To facilitate acceptance, it is important to not push the feelings away, but to actively journal, talk about them, and have a good cry when you need to. This way, you will stop being overwhelmed when you have a memory or thought about him.
Over time, you will heal and be ready for a new relationship. Until then, focus on the present and live in the here-and-now. Try to spend time with friends and do new activities to expand your circle and possibly, meet someone you’re interested in. Focus on practising good self-care. Time will help you heal.
If you feel that you cannot overcome your intense feelings, then I suggest you speak to a professional counsellor. Wishing you better mental health.
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