Ask the Therapist: How do I recover from emotional scars of a miscarriage?

Dr Annette Schonder/Dubai
Filed on November 19, 2020

I had a miscarriage a few months ago. While my body has healed, I have not completely recovered emotionally. It’s made the prospect of pregnancy terrifying for me. How do I move on? — Sarika

Dear Sarika,

I am very sorry to hear about your loss. I can only imagine how painful this experience has been for you and your loved ones.

When you ask me how to move on, I would like you to give yourself permission to grieve as long as you need to. This is a normal process that takes place over time and involves feelings, such as sadness and anger. How you experience grief will be unique to you based on your thoughts, feelings, circumstances of the miscarriage, and possibly cultural influences. For most individuals, it takes about a year to grieve and regain their sense of well-being, so I would encourage you not to put pressure on yourself to heal quickly. If you wish to, you and your loved one could choose a name and observe a day of remembrance.

Your loss could have an impact on your immunity and mental health. I would like to encourage you to practise good self-care, which includes eating healthy food, getting at least 7-8 hours of sleep, exercising, and spending time with loved ones and friends. If you find that you need someone to talk to about your feelings, or your self-care is slipping, or you are feeling depressed, please seek the services of a mental healthcare professional.

I also understand that you are terrified at the possibility of going through another miscarriage. If your doctor has cleared you, I’d encourage you to remain positive and trust your body and its natural processes. Just because you had one miscarriage does not mean you will have another one. Try to control what you can and remain positive on the factors you cannot control. You can set the stage for a healthy pregnancy when your body is healthy and your mental health good. If you have anxious thoughts, write them down and challenge them as best as you can.

Wishing you better mental health.

(Dr. Annette is an integrated therapist at