Ask the therapist: Do you fear being emotionally dependent?

I’d like to believe I am a woman who is mentally, financially and emotionally independent. I’ve been in a relationship for slightly over a year. My partner is understanding, sensitive, extremely caring and we love each other. At times, I find myself emotionally dependent on him. This tends to ruin my mood on a day we face issues (even though it’s not often). I struggle to be emotionally independent at times and it’s not the best feeling. How do you suggest I overcome this? — Seema S

Dear Seema, I was happy to read that you are an independent woman who has met a man with so many important, positive qualities. You write that on days when you have conflict, you feel emotionally dependent on him. And you say this ruins your mood because you don’t like the feeling of struggling to be emotionally independent.

It is very understandable that when people love each other, conflict often leaves them feeling vulnerable. It creates feelings of discomfort that can only be alleviated by resolving the conflict and affirming the relationship. Conflict is a normal part of social life and relationships. The thing to remember is that a conflict does not mean that your partner has stopped loving you. The two of you have just disagreed on an issue. Also, keep in mind that compromising can create a path to resolving differences.

Trusting your partner and believing in the relationship can give you the security to emotionally deal with differences. In my view, sometimes feeling vulnerable is a small price to pay for love.

Dr Schonder is an integrated psychotherapist at https://chmc-dubai.com/

• Dubai