What to do when you feel triggered

A hot topic with all my clients is — triggers. On any given day, we experience many emotions — relaxation, excitement, joy and even frustration, disappointment and anger. Your reaction can change based on your frame of mind and circumstances. Perhaps you are aware you experience unpleasant emotions when you’re exposed to certain people, behaviour, subjects or even words.

The Blame Game

When you are reactive to these situations — you get agitated and then tend to blame something on the outside for your emotional state. Maybe the other person, the situation, the external circumstance. You might then even tell them to stop doing what they’re doing so you don’t feel that way. Or might want to control the external circumstance to change how you feel. In relationships, you might say, “Don’t bring that up!”

Here’s the Truth. What you feel from within is 100 per cent in your control. How you let things affect you and then respond with integrity is totally up to you — there is no other bigger truth. All your triggers are within. When you avoid things that trigger you, your life becomes very trivial.

What are triggers

Triggers are programmed responses to a specific stimulus — like certain behaviours, places, pictures, sounds, or smells. An emotional trigger is an automated response to situations that spark an emotional reaction, including unwanted memories, uncomfortable topics, experiences, or events.

Identify your triggers

Knowing what your emotional triggers are (and how to deal with them) is a key constituent of your wellbeing and mental health. You could get triggered when you feel challenged, rejected or with losing control. Here are some practical steps to help you to deal with triggers.

STEP 1 – Become Conscious

The first step is always awareness. Notice when you feel triggered. Simply tell yourself: “I’m feeling distressed right now. My boss said something that I don’t like, and now I feel distressed.”

Stay away from the blame game (of giving the power to an external circumstance or person) and recognise this comes from within. Simply notice.

When strong emotions come up, don’t try to ignore them or fight them back. Instead, approach with curiosity and get insight on what might have triggered them.

STEP 2 – Own your emotions

Remind yourself that it’s totally okay to feel whatever you’re feeling. Whether it’s sadness, anger, fear or any other type of distress. It’s normal!

Talk to yourself with kindness and compassion — this is called “Ahimsa” in Yoga. Acknowledge how you are feeling and do it with gentleness and not judgment.

Assess circumstances in the past that may have caused pain and led you to feel this way, those circumstances aren’t repeating now.

STEP 3 – Self Evaluation and Self-Regulation

Ask yourself these 10 power questions (in the order listed) to help you understand why a particular situation or person is triggering you.

#1 What is going on in my body?

#2 What emotion am I feeling?

#3 What happened really?

#4 How did I interpret what happened?

#5 Has a boundary been crossed?

#6 Were my expectations realistic?

#7 What do I really need?

#8 Was my reaction necessary or not?

#9 What wound/memory do I need to heal?

#10 How can I respond and not react?

When you increase awareness, you can make conscious choices to respond rather than react.

Make this deliberate choice to empower yourself and no longer be victim.

STEP 4 – Give yourself space

Physically moving can help you avoid emotional overwhelm. Excuse yourself to take a short break. This will help you diffuse a potential angry reaction you might regret later. Learn Pranayama or some breathing exercises to soothe yourself. Practise grounding techniques to calm yourself down.

The goal here isn’t to avoid the conditions that triggered you. Just get a chance to cool down so you can handle the situation better. Once relaxed, return with a clear head.

STEP 5 – Work on your healing

Spend some time introspecting on the feelings that trigger brings up. As a grown adult, start to parent yourself and lighten those feelings. Why do you hurt so much?

Recognise that people don’t attempt to make you feel bad on purpose. Their actions or words that upset you could be a by-product of their own emotional triggers. Approach this with kindness and empathy.

STEP 6 - Talk to a professional

If you find emotional regulation is a tough skill, reach out to a professional. Your instinctive reactions could be so deeply entrenched that you may not even realise it. Meditation, coaching and even therapy provide a safe, non-judgmental space to identify your triggers and explore deeper reasons behind them. My doors are always open anytime you need me.

I wish you the power to not be triggered. It’s time to grab that remote control. You are not a TV, after all!

wknd@khaleejtimes.com

Connect with Anjaan across social media @MeditateWithAnjaan

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