'You are enough': Therapist urges UAE women to rewrite their inner dialogue

Urging women to reclaim their power by transforming how they think and speak to themselves, Marisa Peer spoke to a packed audience on Wednesday, about the barriers holding women back.

At Khaleej Times’ We the Women event in Dubai, the celebrated therapist, author, and global speaker highlighted that societal expectations, self-doubt, and perfectionism often limit potential, and called on women to embrace their flaws, strengthen self-belief, and inspire the next generation to aim higher.

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The founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) began her address by reflecting on how deeply ingrained gendered narratives shape girls from childhood. “We were talking about being enough,” she recalled. “I think we just don’t have enough books for girls saying you can do anything. My daughter was little, and I used to read her a story — Snow White married the handsome prince, Cinderella found the handsome prince — and I’d say, ‘Let’s change that.’ I’d say, ‘Well, thanks a lot, but I want to be a journalist. I’m going to film school now. I’ll have time to get married later.’”

Peer deliberated on how a different messaging is important — one that is empowering rather than confining. “All stories ever said to girls was: find the handsome prince, be at home washing the dishes with all these animals, and that’s your life. We should be saying to girls, you can do anything. You can be an astronaut, you can be a scientist,” she said.

As a mother and mentor, Peer emphasised the importance of starting early to instill ambition and confidence in young girls. “Don’t talk about their wedding or being a mother. Talk about being a bestselling writer, a phenomenal artist. We have to start early and say, you can do anything — you can be the prime minister, the president, you can be anything you like.”

Women and the burden of judgment

Peer explored how women often carry the weight of societal judgment in ways men do not. “80 per cent of women have imposter syndrome (a psychological phenomenon where individuals doubt their own abilities and accomplishments despite external evidence of success),” she said. “We get judged by what we look like. No one says to a man, ‘I saw you on TV, I loved your hair.’ We are still up against that. There’s even an expression — ‘what kind of mother did that person have to turn out like that?’ Well, what about what kind of father they had?”

She pointed out that women, being natural nurturers and multitaskers, tend to internalise pressure. “We think about others’ needs all the time. But the most important dialogue you will ever have in your whole life is the dialogue you have with yourself,” she stressed.

The power of self-talk

Encouraging women to take charge of their inner voice, Peer said, “Learn to say: I’m great, I’ve got this, I’m skilled, I’m doing something amazing. Don’t give that job to someone else — don’t ask, ‘What do you think of me? Am I okay?’”

She recalled stories of women who defied doubt and limitation, including American actress Elizabeth Taylor. “Someone told her she could be an actress but never a movie star. She said, ‘It’s not for you to tell me. I’ll show you.’ That’s what women need — an ‘I’ll show you’ attitude. You can’t let anyone tell you what you can or can’t do.”

For Peer, the foundation of change begins with five simple affirmations: “I’m enough, I matter, I’m significant, I’m worth it, I’m lovable — just the way I am.”

“When you change a thought — from ‘I’m not enough’ to ‘I am enough’ — everything changes,” she said. “You behave differently, you act differently, and life begins to shift in your favour.”

On perfection and embracing flaws

Peer also urged women to let go of the pursuit of perfection — a pressure that often leads to loneliness and unhappiness. “You want to be unhappy? The fastest way is trying to be perfect,” she said. “There is no perfection. People who are perfect are alone. The basis of all friendship is shared vulnerability.”

She introduced her concept of being “flawsome.” “I call it being flawsome” It’s a very forgiving place to be (in). Being perfect is lonely, unforgiving. We can have the most beautiful, flawed relationship. If you’re trying to be perfect you can never ever get there.”

Reframing beliefs and thoughts

A recurring theme in Peer’s talk was the power of beliefs. “We create our thoughts, and our thoughts create us. Since you make your beliefs and your beliefs make you — make better beliefs,” she said. “Life is changing so quickly. We must take responsibility for our beliefs, and if you don’t like them, change them.”

She reminded women that “the mind cannot hold conflicting beliefs” — one cannot think they are not enough and at the same time think they are amazing. “Every thought you think is a blueprint. So, say over and over again: I’ve got this. I’m smart, I’m capable, I’m lovable, I matter, affirm it and embody it.”

The only thing you can control

She then reflected on a thought-provoking reminder about control. “In a world where we try to control our weight, our home, and the traffic — the only thing you can really control is your thinking,” she said. “We can’t control the weather, or the world, but we can control our thoughts. And when you do, your life changes so dramatically.”

For Peer, happiness and success begin with mastering the mind. “Your mind’s job is to make your thoughts real. It doesn’t care if they’re good or bad — it just acts on what you tell it. So, tell it better things,” she said.

“Self-esteem is what I think of myself. Raising your self-worth, self-esteem, and self-belief is not anyone else’s job — it’s yours. The great news is, when you elevate yourself, the whole world joins you.”

Nandini Sircar

nandini@khaleejtimes.com

Nandini Sircar has a penchant for education, space, and women's narratives. She views the world through a prism of learning: whether it's the earthly pursuit of wisdom or the unearthly mysteries of space. In her written universe, women and children take centre stage.