Absolution

The trailer certainly indicates that the person behind it hasn’t worked on anything since Under Siege. Absolution also stars Steven Segal doing exactly what he always does. Kicking people, shooting them and speaking on the phone in an impossibly gravelly voice. Except now he is over 60 and it is just a bit awkward to watch.

The whole “one man, out to get revenge” shtick is beyond parody. We actually thought this could be a Saturday Night Live digital short, until we saw the bad guy was actually former Wimbledon and Wales footballer Vinnie Jones.

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Not even a satirical comedy show could make that sketch believable. Segal is out to protect a woman from Jones’ clutches, surely bringing more firepower to the party than a senior citizen’s Honda Civic can carry.