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Moonlighting with a pair of shoes

Shoemakers all over the world are currently trying to prepare a code of ethics for their customers to restrict the use of shoes as footwear only and avoid making it a flying object that never reaches its destination, Mr Right said. That brings a bad name to its manufacturers.

“I am not a shoemaker but I feel this decision might harm the industry and arrest the sudden rise in the demand for shoes,” I said. “Looking at the increasing popularity of the product among amateur snipers from Baghdad to Birmingham, the manufacturers must improve its flying efficiency.”

Mr Right smiled. “Although I think the failure to hit the target was due to human error and not because of any defect in the product itself, its potential threat as a big embarrassment has been fully recognised in the political circles.”

“Are you sure,” I asked. “The flying shoes missed their target in the UK but hit two TV Channels in Pakistan which went off air for sometime. And this brought more embarrassment to the well-wishers of the government than those shoes.”

“The episode has made President House officials wiser as they tried to ward off any shoe-hurling attempt by erecting a ‘human shield’ at a Press conference addressed jointly by President Asif Zardari and US Senator John Kerry at Islamabad last week,” Mr Right pointed out.

“The idea is not bad but the officials must try to set up a special commando team comprising members fully trained in shoe-catching,” I suggested.

“The CEO of a well-known shoe company Right Shoes, in a letter published by daily True Rumours, has appealed to the security staff of VVIPS all over the world to pull their socks up to make better arrangements instead of blaming footwear users for bad intentions,” Mr Right said spreading out the newspaper on the table.

“Has he suggested any measures to tighten the security at public meetings or press conferences?” I asked.

“Oh yes,” Mr Right said. “The letter says: ‘We the shoe-manufacturers are appalled at the attempt of certain quarters to defame the industry by making the VIPs believe that we manufacture Stinger missiles instead of harmless shoes.

‘No, Sir, we make only footwear to provide walking comfort to your feet and if by any chance it sprang to sting like a bee as it happened on some occasions recently, it was because of bad security. I, therefore, appeal on behalf of all shoemakers to the authorities concerned to remove conditions, which might tempt people to test the flying ability of their shoes.

‘I humbly suggest a few useful tips to make press briefings and public meetings safe and discourage ‘shoe-manship’ by any adventure-loving visitor.

‘Here are the tips: The VIPs must keep their speeches short and never ask the audience to express their love for them. The visitors’ list should be thoroughly checked to ensure there is no discus or shot-put champion among them.

‘Shoes should be collected outside and visitors should be allowed bare-footed inside as is done in mosques and shrines.”

“Former American president was able to admire his agility to dodge the missiles fired at him,” Mr Right said. “He was also magnanimous to enjoy jokes about the Baghdad episode.”

“The economy is rough and the people are standing behind President Bush just to get free shoes, somebody commented about his security staff, but nothing happened, not even a TV channel was shut down,” I pointed out.

“But we can not allow this in our country, no way,” Mr Right stressed. “The economy is in a bad shape here too, no doubt, but we cannot allow people to stand and wait for free distribution of shoes at public meetings.”

Najmul Hasan Rizvi is a former Assistant Editor of Khaleej Times