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How to tell someone they reek not of roses

So, what is the socially acceptable way to tell someone to have a bath? We can all think of 'those people'

This is an icky subject. I almost wrote about suitcases instead. But curiosity got the better of me and I typed into Google: 'Why do people st...' - and before I could complete typing, auto-complete popped up - 'Why do people stutter, stare at me, steal, stereotype, still vote for Trump. I was only typing 'Why do people stink.'

Why am I looking up such illuminating matters? Well, because I wanted a clue - what is the socially acceptable way of telling someone they stink? How do you suggest to someone the right way of tackling their issues with offensive microbes, Staphylococcus Hominis and gang.

I heard this great anecdote last week. A decade ago, in an office in India, a bunch of co-workers complained to the boss about a particularly foul-smelling colleague, H. Sweet guy, apparently. Just jinxed with lethal BO. The smell had gotten so bad, all that bacteria wafting over their heads and in the corridors that they couldn't work with him. Sitting alongside was out of the question. People were threatening to quit.

The boss had no choice. He had to intervene. A meeting was called for, malodorous H summoned. Boss began by clearing his throat. Asked H if all was well work wise. Any problems? All okay at home? Kids happy? Water supply working fine? And then, boom! Blurts boss - say, H, why don't you have a bath every day? H was stunned. Blushed. Horrified. But... but...sir, I do! Boss muttered platitudes: it's okay, I understand. H said the problem was he didn't have enough shirts, no money to buy more, so he rotated the same 2-3. Some awkwardness ensued. Boss was desperate to end this conversation. The matter ended with the H's salary being upped to take into account washing powder, some few hundred gracious rupees. H quit soon after.

So, what is the socially acceptable way to tell someone to have a bath? We can all think of 'those people'. How can they not know? Why does no one tell them? Why can't they sprinkle baking soda on themselves? Has soap gone out of fashion? What's with that awful damp, mildew smell emanating from their clothes? It's even more confounding in a place like Dubai. We're not short on sun, why don't people air their clothes?! Or wash them often enough?? Surely sending the stuff to the laundry is a good investment if your reputation is at stake.

A cousin of mine has stopped hugging a friend of hers and has cut down on going over to her place because she can't bear the hugs. It was all very funny to me, up to a point. Then one day I was invited to lunch - great food, lovely conversation - except, I had to hug her. Died. Death by ammonia. It's not my place to tell her, I told my cousin, but she's your friend! There has to be a way to broach this topic (which is, of course, not to break into song and go, Filth bomb, filth bomb, you're my filth bomb!). My cousin maintains she's not mad and is never going to bring it up.

Let's not forget the social service angle. You'd be doing countless a huge favour by bringing it up. So, I don't know. All I'm saying is that the most uncomfortable things can - and should- be talked about. What's a little stubborn bacteria?

nivriti@khaleejtimes.com