Feel happy for the elderly; they deserve it

Am I less happy than my parents at this given point? Probably. But I'm happy for them, so it doesn't really bother me.

by

Sushmita Bose

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Published: Thu 4 Feb 2016, 11:00 PM

Last updated: Fri 5 Feb 2016, 4:32 PM

When I was a young girl - about seven or eight years old - my parents used to regularly go out to the movies. These were allegedly 'Adults Only' films (I was taken to watch movies like Bambi, the Deer and Herby Goes To Hollywood, but those were few and far between), so obviously I had to be left behind at home. As they would prep for the outing, I would mope and sulk, and occasionally bawl my eyes out. My mother would shake her head in disbelief and mutter stuff like, "Can't believe how spoilt she is getting." But my father would look me in the eye and say, "One day, you'll get to live your life - you will be watching movies late into the night at some plush theatre, while we will be sitting at home with our dentures on. feeling miserable because we'd be old hags. Gotta go now, girl!" (And off they'd be.)
Somehow, that statement left an indelible imprint on my precocious mind. Old age equated with misery. Whenever I wondered about "getting old", I'd visualise the stereotype of my parents in dressing gowns (faded ones), dentures and socks. Huddled in a lonely corner. Feeling miserable.
Now, when I see my parents - and this should have been the age for them to have misery as Companion No 1 - I realise they're happier than I've ever seen them (yes, even more than they were when they were dashing off in my dad's Fiat car to watch Bloodline - the one starring Audrey Hepburn). They're getting to enjoy each other in a way they never had time for earlier on. I suspect they are also discovering new things about each other (many of my conversations with my mom/dad start with, "Did you know your father/mother."). They're having a lot of fun - despite the odd aches and pains, and a blander diet.
I now know why. They belong in the 65 to 79 age bracket, which, according to the UK-based Office for National Statistics (ONS) is the "happiest" life zone to be in. Older, retired folks are having a good time - much more than a lot of us give them credit for. The reasons trotted out for this state of mental euphoria are the usual suspects: being able to abdicate hands-on parental responsibilities; not worrying about mortgages and loans and whether you'll have enough funds for that annual vacation; giving up career concerns after reaching the finishing line of the rat race; and so on.
"In contrast," the report said, "those in their middle years may have more demands placed on their time and might struggle to balance work and family commitments." The middle ages - the age bracket between 40 and 59, and the time of your life when you are supposed to be flush with peak-career success and personal life gratifications - have been given a rather morbid twist: it's clearly the worst phase of your life.
Am I less happy than my parents at this given point? Probably. But I'm happy for them, so it doesn't really bother me. I'm also glad that ageing is being given a positive spin - and, mind you, this is not about putting a spin: the survey took into consideration the actual feelings of more than 3,00,000 respondents so it's not a marketing gimmick.
I have to admit though, that when I read the report, I experienced the slightest twinge of regret. The times when my father looked me in the eye and gave me the dentures, old age and misery spiel, maybe I should have looked him back in the eye and firmly stated: "Too bad, old boy, I'm not falling for this line any more. Now, take me along to the movies."
- sushmita@khaleejtimes.com


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