The annual love charade is here. Be very afraid!
The lady of the house is on Facebook, sitting in the living room. She is waiting for the third whistle to sound from the cooker. Her husband is scanning the newspaper for items he skipped that morning. He could smell dinner and he could tell it was likely to be good. He twitched his nose appreciatively. After dinner, they would watch some TV and then off to bed. He had had a tiring day. He wiggled his toes in pleasant anticipation. Life was good. Just then, his wife seemed to be saying something.
“H-huh? What?”
“I said it was Valentine’s Day on Friday,” his wife repeated.
“V-Valen .. ah yes. Yes. 14th of February.”
He went back to his paper, but not with the same composure as before. It appeared that his equilibrium had got slightly dislodged.
“So what are you going to get me for Valentine’s?”
“What do you mean? We don’t celebrate this thing. We never have.”
“I know that. Why don’t we?”
“Because … I mean, look, we never have! Why … why should we suddenly … I mean, we have been married 25 years! What Valentine? Why Valentine?!”
“Just because we’ve never celebrated it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t. Everyone does.”
“No one does! At least no one we know. This is just a fad, a marketing gimmick.”
“That’s what you think! Your colleagues are all celebrating it. Anita’s husband is taking her to Austria. And Azeem is giving his wife a diamond necklace.”
“Hmmph.”
“What did you say?”
“Nothing. I just … well, we went to Switzerland six months back.”
“I’m talking about Valentine’s Day. Don’t you get that?”
“Why are you starting this discussion now unnecessarily? We are perfectly happy. And have been since years.”
Wife looks at husband quizzically. “Are you sure?”
“W-what do you mean? I mean, aren’t we … aren’t you happy?”
“I’m not saying that.”
“Then what the hell are you saying?”
“There’s no need to use such language. That too, just before Valentine’s Day.”
“Valentine’s Day, Valentine’s Day! This silly Valentine’s Day is spoiling our evening!”
“You are spoiling it for yourself! I’m not asking for the moon. Can’t you even get me a box of heart-shaped chocolates? Shame on you!”
The rest of the evening was spent in uneasy though thoughtful silence.
The next day, the husband, after confirming facts with Azeem and Anita’s husband, headed straight to a gift store on his way home.
As the shopkeeper looked at him, he blushed. “Have you got any heart-shaped chocolates?” he asked, looking like a stuffed frog.
“We have chocolates in a heart-shaped box, sir.”
“Oh! Er ... so no heart-shaped chocolates?”
“Sorry sir. Would you like to buy this lovely white teddy bear holding a red heart?”
“No!” he replied, turning almost as red as the heart that the teddy bear was holding. He stepped out. And as he did, he bumped into his wife. “What are you doing here?” his wife asked, startled.
“I was going to ask you the same thing.”
“I came to pick up a greeting card. It’s Patricia’s birthday today. And you?”
Her husband looked at his shoes. “They don’t have heart-shaped chocolates,” he mumbled. Would er … regular ones do?”
His wife’s face glowed. “There’s no need to buy any chocolates,” she whispered. “You have cholesterol and I have diabetes! But thank you so much. It’s the thought that matters. This will be my happiest Valentine’s Day!”
P.G. Bhaskar is the author of Corporate Carnival and Jack Patel’s Dubai Dreams