Dear Therapist: I don't wish to get married

I don’t wish to get married. While I’ve always been fond of the institution of marriage and grown up watching romantic movies, the older I become the more I’m starting to think that there is no need in this life for marriage unless you find a partner that truly adds some value to your life.

I do fear loneliness, especially in the later stages of life but my parents want me to make a decision quickly. I’m unable to fully commit to being on one side of the spectrum. — Shweta S.

Dear Shweta, I can understand your ambivalence towards marriage. Like most life experiences, there is no possible way to predict if marriage or singlehood would be for you, unless you experience it first-hand. Life can be quite a gamble and there is no guarantee that you will not be lonely in married life either! You claim that you are open to marriage provided that the potential partner adds value to your life.

Going by this why not be open to prospects and find someone who fits the bill? I do wonder, if there are any other barriers or unconscious resistance to the idea of marriage that prevent you from committing. You must also consider the fact that if you do choose to be single, you will have to deal with the stigma, criticism and definite pressure from your family, which can also push you towards marriage.

Whatever you choose, there will be benefits as well as repercussions; in this case neither one is superior to the other and you should choose based on what your values and vision for your life is.