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The BFF way
There's something about lasting friendships that appeal - that special person or group of friends you share years of memories with. Here's to the ones you can count on anytime
- PUBLISHED: Fri 21 Dec 2012, 11:52 AM UPDATED: Tue 13 Aug 2024, 4:22 PM
Best friends forever. Or BFFs. The much-bandied-about, new age concept may today be synonymous with a more pop culture reference -the acronym BFF has even made it to the Oxford English Dictionary!
According to The Huffington Post, “Although the concept of having or being a 'best friend' is ageless, the acronym BFF (Best Friends Forever) was popularised more than a decade ago as a quick way for friends to sign off and express their positive feelings for one another - while instant messaging (IM-ing) on the computer or sending a text message on cell phones.”
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In fact, psychologist and lifestyle journalist Dr Irene S Levine has even penned a book on the subject called Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup with your Best Friend, and offers some cavts about the usage of the term BFF. For instance, she says, “Don't use the term BFF to convey exclusivity. You can actually have more than one BFF and many women do.”
So what is it about lasting friendships that attract popular imagination? Is it the fact that we forge strong and lifelong bonds with someone who is not our blood or the strength of a commitment we make (apart from that of marriage) that requires us to demonstrate a certain calibre of affection, loyalty and duty, reserved only for the closest and most special people in our life?
Lately, the concept of friends or even best friends seems increasingly diluted by the casual use of the terms on social media like Facebook. In the real world, how many people can we truly count as close friends? The answer to that might differ for each person, since the subject of friendship is a tough one to approach empirically. But it's worth trying to explore how some friendships can transcend the pressures of time and space - and still grow stronger with every passing year. We tracked down and spoke to a few sets of best friends here in the UAE, who might not have an exp-lanation - but certainly enjoy some beautiful friendships.
Amql Hashim Malik Al Balooshi and Maitha Ahmad Saleh Bin Musabih are two such friends, women who have known each other for over 12 years. Maitha, who works at Emirates Airlines, and Amal, a visual artist, met while in school. They say classmates would constantly confuse one for the other due to their similar appearances, but their personalities are very different. “I used to be very hyper, never bothered about consequences as long as I was having fun,” says Maitha. “Amal, on the other hand, is calm and thoughtful. Honestly, I have learnt a lot from her, especially her way of thinking and dealing with situations. She has stood by my side right and wrong.”
When they graduated from high school, both thought things would change as they ended up in different universities. “But we made time for each other and kept each other on newfound experiences and the different situations we faced.” Today, Amal and Maitha continue being fast friends, helping out with each other's children and other responsibilities. “Marriage and kids have had little effect on our relationship. Even if we don't get to see each other regularly, we call very often,” says Amal.
“Best friends are the blossoms of life,” Maitha declares. “I assume that a girl can't tell their mothers, sisters, cousins or aunts everything. Although my own mom and sister are very cool, I find best friends are much easier to talk to and share secrets with.”
In friendship - as in any other relationship - trust and honesty are what seem to matter the most in the equation. As Indian-born Chetan Lalchand says about his best friend Jay Uttamchandani, “I can trust him with my life and bank accounts.” Theirs is a unique friendship, spanning over 30 years, and their wives - Raina and Nehal, respectively - are also best friends. “Both of us have spent our entire lives in Dubai,” reminisces Chetan. “I remember playing and sharing everything with this plump kid in kindtrgarten…” Other than a few years at university, which they spent apart, their lives have followed a very close trajectory. “We married within months of each other, took our honeymoon trips together - even our elder kids happened to be born at the same time,” says Jay.
“It helps that we have similar personalities and share many traits and common interests. As with family, you have to compromise and adjust in order to mtain a good relationship with friends too,” adds Chetan. “We are both entrepreneurs, we play squash and dine out together, we've run marathons and travelled together. We actually go out of our way to accommodate each other, like travelling to countries that one of us might already have visited, just so the other can enjoy the experience. Friendship, like many things in life, is about really wanting it. We've decided that we're truly close friends, and we'll do whatever it takes to keep it that way,” say the duo.
In their case, any problems and crises have only cemented their bond and proven each one's role as a “rock” and support system over the. “Even when we had to travel to India for medical reasons, Jay flew down many times to visit us,” says Chetan. “We have a large extended family, but he's always been at the forefront. Touchwood, we've never had any ups and downs [between us], really.”
At times, external circumstances can driving a wedge between two fast friends, but as the stories of Dubai-based Alfie Rufino and Jared (name changed) prove - there's nothing that the right levels of maturity and cooperation can't overcome. There was a point when both friends ended up applying for the for a designing course at a university back home in the Philippines. Obviously, only one could get in. So Jared magnanimously withdrew his application, while Alfie entered and completed the course. “Initially, I did harbour a wee bit of bitterness at his entry,” Jared admits. “But I'd withdrawn my application of my own accord. I found myself without an alternative for a while, but soon went on to do another design course instead,” says Jared. Today, over 10 years later, both are employed with architectural firms in Dubai and continue being good friends. “I might not have had the career and life I wanted if Jared hadn't been so generous, so yes, friends do change your life. They are a huge part of it,” says Alfie.
There are some secrets to great friendships too, apparently. “Compromise, and always give more than you get,” says Chetan. “Friendship is a much more important connection and support system than we give it credit for. It's true what they say about friends being the family you choose.”
Interestingly, everyone we spoke to had a common viewpoint of their best friends: “souilmate” - and none were ashamed to say as much. Friends in every sense of the word? You know it's true when you hear that Amal's third daughter is named Maitha.
marypaulose@khaleejtimes.com
BFFs in popular culture
Paris Hilton's 'select' friends
Can one really 'select' their Best Friend Forever through a contest? Apparently, socialite and celebrity Paris Hilton did. From 2008 to 2011, her competitive reality television show My New BFF -with international versions in the UK and even the UAE - featured young women and even a few men who vied to be Paris' best friend. The two UD seasons and the international series did throw up winners, but are they seen hanging around with Paris on a regular basis? Not really…
Ben Affleck
and Matt Damon
Yes, even hot and famous dudes can be BFFs. The two actors and filmmakers are one of the most famous and enduring sets of friends in Hollywood. The duo grew up together, have worked together on screenplays (such as the multiple award-winning Good Will Hunting), founded production companies together and are also neighbours today, living close to each other in Los Angeles. Their friendship is proof as to the creative returns a long-standing friendship, coupled with mutual interests, can provide.
Nicole Kidman
and Naomi Watts
Yet another example of two high wattage actors forming a great bond. The two blonde, award-winning beauties, who could pass off as sisters, are both Australian, and met at an audition when both were struggling actresses. Though Kidman found fame and love much before Naomi came into her own, they have remained close, supporting each other through marriages, divorce and children.
F.R.I.E.N.D.S
Can any mention of friends and best friends be complete without everyone's all-time favourite TV sitcom? Friends captured the imagination of a whole generation of viewers for an entire decade, as people laughed, cried and grew into adulthood with the six best friends living in New York City, sharing apartments, love lives and occasional hard-up situations. It showed the alternative new generation lifestyle and unconventional domestic set-ups of youngsters who live away from families, and made stars out of the six leads. In fact, Jennifer Aniston (Rachel) and Courtney Cox (Monica) are BFFs offscreen too, one of the more famous pairs in Hollywood.