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Why do new mums feel so lonely — and how can we help?
Loneliness creeps into motherhood in ways few expect. It arrives in the sleepless nights when your baby is awake, it lingers when days blur into an endless cycle of feedings, nappy changes, and exhaustion... And for many, it is amplified by the lack of support
- PUBLISHED: Thu 20 Mar 2025, 5:00 PM UPDATED: Mon 2 Jun 2025, 12:57 PM
Mirna Bolmanac remembers the moment clearly: she was holding her newborn son, exhausted and overwhelmed, yet the only thing louder than the sound of his tiny breaths was the silence that surrounded her.
“I looked at my son and I said to myself, ‘It shouldn’t be this way. This is not the experience I want to have in these precious moments of my baby’s first months, and other mums don’t deserve it either,’” recalled Bolmanac, a 39-year-old Serbian national living in the UAE.
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Loneliness creeps into motherhood in ways few expect. It arrives in the sleepless nights when the world is fast asleep but your baby is awake, so you are, too. It lingers when days blur into an endless cycle of feedings, nappy changes, and exhaustion. And for many, it is amplified by the lack of support.
Exhaustion and a lack of self-care make it hard for mothers to maintain meaningful connections. This leads to stress, leaving mums feeling disconnected from themselves and their child.
Feelings of isolation can be intensified for expatriate mums especially. Without extended family nearby, the support system many grew up with is suddenly absent. The high expectations of motherhood — often magnified by the pressure of social media — make it even harder to admit that something feels off.
“I remember breastfeeding in the middle of the night and when my baby would sleep, I would scroll through social media,” Mirna said. “I’d see ‘perfect’ mums and babies, read unrealistic advice about how I should feel, look, and behave. And I would think, ‘Why does my body not look great? Why aren’t my kids sleeping through the night?’ These thoughts can make any mother feel like she’s failing when, in reality, she’s doing her best.”
New motherhood can feel incredibly overwhelming, and without the right support, and it can be isolating as well. That’s where Bolmanac’s expertise comes into play. Bolmanac, who had been a wellbeing coach and the founder of One Way to Harmony for years before becoming a mum, now builds on her own experiences to connect with new mothers and help them navigate the early years of parenting.
Explaining how the key to navigating loneliness in motherhood is to address it first and foremost, she adds, “We connect loneliness with a state of being alone; however, I learned it is more a state of mind. Sometimes, you could be surrounded by family and friends and yet feel alone and empty. This often happens during the first years of motherhood. With a challenging routine, body changes, lack of time, and meaningful interactions, we often feel lonely in its deepest sense.”
And loneliness, if left unaddressed, can develop into something much harder to shake. “Over time, feelings of isolation can lead to anxiety, depression, and burnout,” Mirna warned. “Without emotional support and connection, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and question one’s worth. I don’t like phrases such as ‘This is normal’ or ‘Every mum feels that way’. Such phrases only fuel guilt, making mums feel like they’re the problem.”
Bolmanac emphasises that it’s important to recognise the warning signs when loneliness starts turning into a deeper mental health issue. So, where does a mum turn to when she feels alone? “The first thing I tell mums is to give themselves permission to feel what they feel,” says Bolmanac. “Loneliness isn’t a failure — it’s a signal that there’s a need for connection. Just acknowledging that is a big first step.”
Then comes reaching out. “I know it’s hard when you feel like you don’t have the energy, but a simple text or call to a friend can open the door to support.”
In today’s world, social media is a double-edged sword. Using social media as a tool for connection as a new mum can be a lifeline or a landmine. Bolmanac encourages mothers to be intentional about their online habits — choosing to follow supportive, realistic content instead of getting trapped in comparison.
According to Bolmanac, language also plays a powerful role in shaping our thoughts, which in turn influence our emotions and drive our behaviour. “This is rooted in Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP),” she explained. “The way we speak to ourselves creates mental frameworks that shape our perceptions.”
When anxious thoughts spiral, women need more than just a pep talk. Bolmanac’s coaching offers tools to help mothers reshape their self-perception and reframe negative self-talk. “One powerful example is shifting beliefs like, ‘I’m failing as a mum,’ to ‘I am doing my best, and that is enough’. This small shift in language can change everything.”
One powerful example is shifting beliefs like, ‘I’m failing as a mum,’ to ‘I am doing my best, and that is enough’. This small shift in language can change everything."
Mirna Bolmanac
Bolmanac also works with mothers using NLP techniques like anchoring: mentally tying feelings of confidence and connection to certain actions or words. “Anchoring helps mums recall moments of confidence, so they can tap into those feelings when loneliness creeps in. Practising this alongside mindfulness helps in preventing feelings of isolation.”
Finally, she reminds mothers to be kind to themselves. “We start to tell ourselves that we should be doing better. That others are managing just fine. But shifting that language — replacing ‘I’m failing’ with ‘I’m doing my best’ — can make a world of difference.”
Bolmanac recognises that in an ideal world, coaching tools should be preventative, not prescriptive. Women have been told they can ‘do it all’, but the reality is that motherhood was never meant to be a solo journey. Research shows that a key determining factor of a child’s future wellbeing is the mental wellbeing of their mother. “So, if you know a new mum in your life, remember that it takes a village. Offer support, check in, and take the time to simply listen. And if you’re a a new mum yourself and you’re struggling, reach out. You don’t have to do this alone.”