Well, hello. It is Father's Day
Mum's gifts are carefully thought out. Dad has to settle for a tie, a shirt, and in a big splash a cologne
Have you noticed how Mother's Day always comes first every year. Now you might say not true, look at it this way now it comes after. But it doesn't work that way. Mum's day and the preparations start a week earlier with much enthusiasm and excitement. The children actually make plans and play let's pretend we have forgotten and there is a great deal of hush hush conspiracy and much giggling and chortling over the buying of gifts.
Pop's day is more like an overlooked comma, oh guess what it's Father's Day tomorrow, you want something?
Mum's gifts are carefully thought out. Dad has to settle for a tie, a shirt, and in a big splash a cologne. No one says let's get Dad a new squash racquet or a boy's night out for four.
One of the reasons for this is that Father's Day has no colour. Mum has this sea of pink and red and magenta and scarlet and just the battalion of makeup items is enough to make the choice of a gift an issue. What about Dad? Oh, let's get him some razor blades.
The bases are also lopsidedly loaded against us because sons don't do Father's Day very well while daughters are on Mum's wavelength and they can share the eyeliner and the air wrap. Buying shoes is another area daughters love to engage in and these can be borrowed.
Mum, can I wear your silver stilettos?
Of course, my darling.
Dad, can I borrow your black loafers?
Certainly not, are you crazy, get your own shoes.
Truth be told that's no exaggeration, sons do not borrow shoes from dads and vice versa. Nor do men per se go shopping for shoes for others, we just do not have that mindset.
And it is not just shoes. Daughters and mothers bond over clothes. They can exchange them at random, fathers and sons do not do that. Their sartorial priorities are hugely different.
Then there are cards. Go to any bookstore or novelty outlet and Mother's Day cards abound with beautiful poems and odes and there are exquisite drawings and portraits of loving mums and little flowers and motifs and tear-jerking sonnets and sentiments like Mum how can we ever repay you and Mum, you are the mostest and mother dearest, thank you for my childhood, you made me what I am.
Then comes Father's Day and the sentiments expressed have the texture of a wet noodle.
Have a great Father's Day.
Have a super Father's Day.
Have a special Father's Day.
Dull, dreary artworks, no drama drenched in emotion.
No mention of repayment (remember the college bills, huh?). Not a card that expresses gratitude for making their childhood memorable, not a peep about the milestones like the bicycle on their fifth birthday and the trip to Disneyland on entering the teens and flying all the way for their graduation and migoodness, I got a gift, how sweet, oh it is a packet of razor blades, how thoughtful, just what I wanted.
This evening my daughters are having dinner brought in from a fancy restaurant. And my wife has asked me for my credit card.
But at least I have fresh razor blades. -firstname.lastname@example.org
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