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What I am about to tell you may be different from anything you have heard before, but it is the truth.
Here it is: Your children do not need siblings. What they do need is parents who are present, engaged and unconditionally loving and accepting of them.
Let’s delve into this a little bit because there’s so little written on the subject. Why does your child need a sibling? I asked 50 women their reasons, and here’s what they said:
1.Your child needs someone when you’re no longer there.
2.Your child will feel lonely.
3.Your child will be spoiled.
4.Siblings are important because they will be there for each other.
5.It’s selfish to have one. You’ll be sending your child out into the world alone.
6.Fear you may lose your child and then at least you have another.
Only four out of the 50 women I asked said they had a second child because they wanted to. They made that choice for themselves from a place of love, not fear. Read the reasons mentioned above again. Every single reason quoted for having a second child, is fear-based.
1.Your child needs someone when you’re no longer there: Fear of death.
2.Your child will feel lonely: Fear of being alone.
3.Your child will be spoiled: Fear of being ‘bad’.
4.Siblings are important because they will be there for each other: Fear of being alone.
5.It’s selfish to have one. You will be sending your child out into the world alone: Fear of being alone.
6.Fear you may lose your child and then at least you have another: Fear of loss.
When you make decisions out of fear and not love, it’s because you are lacking. You’ve been abandoned, not seen, heard or loved for who you are. You’ve been made to feel like you’re not enough.
Let’s revisit the reasons again:
1.Your child needs someone when you’re no longer there: Fear of death.
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
2.Your child will feel lonely: Fear of being alone.
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
3.Your child will be spoiled: Fear of being ‘bad’.
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
4.Siblings are important because they will be there for each other: Fear of being alone.
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
5.It’s selfish to have one. You will be sending your child out into the world alone: Fear of being abandoned
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
6.Fear you may lose your child and then at least you have another: Fear of loss.
Message to self: The world is a lonely and scary place.
Now stop. Ask yourself again. Why do you want a second child? If you do want one, then let your reasoning look like this…
1. I have more love to give.
2. I have time that I want to devote to another child.
3. I want to nurture and raise another being. I have the energy and the resources for it.
Have a second, third, fourth… or how many ever children you want because you have the time, because you have the desire, because you have the resources. Do not have another one for your children. They only need you to be whole; to be happy; to be present. That’s all they will ever need.
wknd@khaleejtimes.com
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