Trick or treat…

DO YOU REMEMBER all those beastly, childish pranks your mother used to tell you off for playing?

If not, you’d better get your thinking cap on – Halloween is just around the corner, and what better time to indulge in some pointless and immature shenanigans at someone else’s expense?

If you’re stuck for ideas, City Times is here to help you find your inner child – well, at least the little wretch that used to pull wings off insects and burn ants with a magnifying glass.

We’ve confined our mischief-making list to the workplace. Why you ask? Because we all know an office is really just a four-walled playground for grown-ups – complete with the same posers, weirdos, catfights, name-calling and cheeky cigarette breaks. The only difference is that we as adults really should know better by now.

Feel free to add your own flourishes as needed and remember – if you aren’t a social pariah by tomorrow, you aren’t doing it properly…

The Reverse Crunch

The victim: ‘Jim’ – your hardworking, highly-strung colleague. His nervous energy could give way to floods of tears at any given moment.

The prank: After the working day has finished, accompany Jim to his car – any spurious reason will do. Be as friendly and relaxed as possible, then stand by his car as he gets behind the wheel. As Jim turns on the engine, kick your shoe behind the back wheel of his car. When he reverses over the shoe, let out a blood-curdling scream and drop to your ground holding your foot. For added effect, accuse Jim of trying to injure you deliberately and tell him you you’re on to his sick game.

Pros: The prank can last as long as you want it to. Crutches, fake doctor’s bills…the possibilities to guilt-trip are endless.

Cons: Nervous energy can lead to tears, but it can also result in furious rage. If Jim goes on the warpath then you, my friend, are in for a world of pain.

The Name Game

The victim: ‘Ahmed’ – the office newbie trying desperately to remember everyone’s names and make a good impression [N.B. This trick will also work on the extremely gullible].

The prank: Agree with the rest of the office to alter one of your co-workers names (the more senior the better). For instance, Sally becomes Sarah, Gita becomes Rita and so on. As everyone in the office begins to call your co-worker by their new name, watch as Ahmed grows increasingly confused. Then convince him he must have been mistaken all this time – after all, the entire office can’t all be wrong, can they? Then see how long it takes for him to fall into line and start calling his colleague by their fictional name.

Pros: He’s new and should therefore expect a few ‘initiation rites’. He may even be grateful to be included. Probably not though.

Cons: Takes a lot of co-ordination and po-faced acting. Someone with a conscience will probably ruin everyone’s fun before too long.

The Fake Fallout

The victim: ‘Pooja’ – the mumsy middle-aged sweetheart who’s never uttered a bad word about anyone.

The prank: Arrange a fake argument with your boss beforehand – the more heated the better. Then, in front of all your co-workers, start to unleash verbal tirades at one another. Ensure the situation gets more and more out of hand, until you snap and shout “You know what? Pooja was right – you really are a two-faced, incompetent, moronic weasel!” Then storm out the room, leaving everyone – especially your boss – looking inquisitively at a horrified Pooja.

Pros: Pooja will be too nice to start plotting a gruesome revenge.

Cons: You’re a terrible person and you’re going to hell.

Stuck On The Phone

The victim: ‘Katrina’ – the office chatterbox. Spends hours a day on the phone or at the water cooler talking about Brangelina, her best friend’s unusual rash or why other girls are “just jealous” of her.

The prank: When Katrina is away from her desk, glue down the receiver on her phone. When she returns, call her surreptitiously and watch as she desperately tries to prise the receiver out. She will quickly become highly agitated, not knowing who is on the other end of the line and what fresh information she may be missing out on.

Pros: Quick to set up and fun for the whole office.

Cons: She’ll probably spend the next week talking about the incident.

Download Drama

The victim: ‘Ernest’ – the serial downloader. If a new episode of “The Simpsons” was shown on American television last night, chances are he’ll have it before you get to work the next morning.

The prank: Using official company paper, send him a strongly worded letter ‘from’ the manager. Use sentences like “the unsuitable content found on your computer has not gone unnoticed” and “our IT department has been monitoring all your internet activity for the past month”. End by telling him he needs to go to ‘your’ office immediately, then watch as the magic unfolds before your eyes.

Pros: The letter should be untraceable, leaving you free to be as ‘creative’ as you wish with the letter.

Cons: Now who’s going to slip you that all-important next episode of “Lost”?

The Scream

The victim: ‘Troy’ – the rugged outdoors-type who spends his weekends sandboarding, paragliding and eaglesweeping (okay, that last one doesn’t exist). He then spends his working week boring everyone else stupid talking about his heroic weekend exploits.

The prank: Bring out Troy’s competitive side by claiming to have found a brilliant new hand-eye co-ordination game on the internet. Then log on to www.maniacworld.com/maze_game.htm and turn the sound on your monitor to maximum. After a minute or so playing the game, a scary face will jump out accompanied by a piercing shriek – guaranteed to scare Troy more than a whole weekend of sharkgoading (also made up unfortunately).

Pros: Basic but effective. Being the rugged outdoor-type, Troy probably won’t have heard of such a nerdy jape.

Cons: Humiliating Troy doesn’t make you any less of a weedy flabby couch potato.

Got Your Number

The victim: Your entire office

The prank: Invite all your colleagues to your place for a special Halloween showing of “The Ring” – preferably the original Japanese version rather than the Hollywood remake. The horror flick tells the story of a supernatural video that condemns anyone who watches it to death within a week – announced by a phone call, which they receive immediately after watching the film. While you are watching the movie, SMS a bunch of your non-workplace friends and give each of them one of your colleague’s phone numbers. As the film finishes, tell your friends to start calling your co-workers repeatedly using withheld numbers. Watch as the whole room gradually starts panicking – some people will inevitably cotton on to what’s happening, but others are guaranteed to believe that the Grim Reaper is leaving his calling card.

Pros: A fiendishly entertaining spectacle when done properly.

Cons: Expect a few terrifying phone calls of your own in the near future.

adam@khaleejtimes.com