Katy Perry Needs to Chill

Katy Perry Needs to Chill

After a cringe-worthy 96-hour livestream that had her open up on fame, love and Taylor Swift, we question the authenticity of the singer's intentions.

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By Maan Jalal

Published: Sun 18 Jun 2017, 2:32 PM

Last updated: Wed 21 Jun 2017, 8:20 PM

OK. Where do we begin? First of all we'd like to call for an investigation on the state of mind of Katy Perry's agent when they agreed to let her do this. A 24 hour livestream - seriously? Yes, in case you didn't know Katy Perry, one of the world's biggest pop stars who probably doesn't need any more attention, who like many of her contemporaries complains (and rightly so) about the invasion of her privacy, has opted to reveal her "authentic" self to the world via a nonstop YouTube livestream called "Witness World Wide" last week.

The livestream was 96 hours long (seriously, who has got time for that?) and was timed with her new album's release (of course, it was). The new album, Witness, is an attempt at breaking away from the persona that Katy Perry has created thus far, the persona that fans know her for.
We are all for pop stars reinventing themselves. Thanks to pop icons like Cher and Madonna this form of rebirth is almost expected from female entertainers. There is an exception to this rule though. As long as it feels like true storytelling, as long as it feels like an authentic reinvention then we're in. Even though Katy Perry's livestream raked up almost 49 million views (that's 49 million people with way too much time on their hands) it doesn't by any means indicate that people are stupid. Because even young fangirls, ready to consume any merchandise, music, video or memorabilia connected to their favourite pop artist, can sniff out the faintest whiff of inauthenticity. And sorry Katy Perry, but in the age of Internet fame, viral memes, hilarious GIFs and the comment section below everything anyone can post online, the most powerful court, the court of public opinion has laid down its judgment. Katy Perry, born Katheryn Hudson, has been accused of being thirsty and the court finds her guilty as charged - her punishment? Irrelevance.

It's sad but true. If you try too hard. people get sick of you. We know, we understand that the music industry is cut throat. Every other day there's a new, younger, more controversial, more relevant singer with a better voice willing to do more for less. Factor in the digital revolution and that no one actually buys albums anymore and don't forget people's addiction to fame and you get a hot and steaming petri dish full of different strains of the 'hmmm what won't I do to be relevant?' virus.

We get it. Artists are getting desperate to sell albums and maintain their fame. Lady Gaga with the whole egg thing on the red carpet, Miley Cyrus with the giant foam finger and gyrating Robin Thicke (we are still trying to erase that visual from our minds) - all signs point toward one thing. The hotter the mess, the more relevant you are.

But Katy Perry's stunt (and yes we are calling it one giant stunt) reeks of desperation. Worse, it was framed to be some kind of revolutionary, insight into her true self a message of "unity and communication" when really it felt like a gimmick. A 24-hour live stream gimmick that 49 million people tuned into watch. Though mildly entertaining, it was overall sad, pointless and did nothing to take away from the fact that Katy Perry's new album and two released singles aren't great. In fact we kind of think they suck. Her single Bon Appétit is all levels of inappropriate, wrong and is a lame attempt to be controversial when in fact it just comes off as trying too hard.

We don't mean to sound completely negative but we are frustrated. Doesn't anyone else realise that by committing the crime of making one of the world's most successful but also lamest publicity stunts Katy Perry has set the bar for future fame hungry reality stars and artists desperate to sell albums? How many more 96 hour live streams are we going to be hearing about now?

This whole circus where pop music, pop personas, "soul searching", rehab, meets Big Brother reality shows hasn't made us feel warm and fuzzy for Katy Perry. In fact, it's cemented a long suspicion that we've had that she is nothing more than a Kardashian in a pop star's clothing. Like her reality TV star contemporaries (FYI she's at almost BFF status with Kris Jenner) it seems that Katy will do anything to stay relevant, making us wonder - what are you trying to make up for Katy? We already know you aren't a great singer (come on guys, she's no Adele). We already know that you aren't that interesting (the 96 hours weren't that riveting which says a lot about someone if they were trying to be interesting but failed) and that you're willing to do anything to stay in the spotlight.

Don't believe us? Well, read on readers! Here are the three worst things Katy Perry willingly revealed during her YouTube livestream.

The Hair Cut
Katy Perry had a breakdown during a one-on-one session with celebrity therapist Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh during her livestream. She discussed her issues with depression and her previous struggle with suicidal thoughts.
"I feel ashamed that I would have those thoughts, feel that low, and that depressed," Perry explained. "You can be right, or you can be loved. I just want to be loved."

She also said she missed being Katheryn Hudson, the person she was before the fame.

"I so badly want to be Katheryn Hudson that I don't even want to look like Katy Perry anymore sometimes - and that is a little bit of why I cut my hair."

We are sure that was difficult for her to talk about and depression isn't something that should be taken lightly. But. we are just going to keep our mouths shut.
Katy vs Taylor
Why do we care about this anymore? Over the last few weeks Katy Perry has literally squeezed blood out of a stone to make the most of her rivalry with Taylor Swift.

"I forgive her and I'm sorry for anything I ever did, and I hope the same from her," Katy Perry told Arianna Huffington who made call-in appearance during the live stream. "I love her, and I want the best for her. And I think she's a fantastic songwriter, and I think that, you know, if we, both her and I, can be representatives of strong women that come together despite their differences, I think the whole world is going to go like, 'Yeah, well we can do this.' I don't know."

Yes. We don't know either Katy.
Rate Your Ex
Absolute cringe. During a game of let's see what gross things celebrities will eat if they don't answer really intimate questions about themselves with late night host James Corden, Katy Perry was "forced" to rank three of her ex-lovers - musician John Mayer, actor Orlando Bloom, and music producer Diplo's performances in the bedroom. Katy obliged. Really. Why not just take a small nibble from the thousand ear old egg that James offered? OK, that sounds gross. But still - if a male celebrity rated three of his ex-lovers on a show like that he would be trolled until the end of time on Twitter and asked to leave his job!
Katy Perry - Witness

She once roared. But now, we'll just call it meowing.
Katy Perry, one of the top voices in contemporary pop over the last decade, limps into her fourth album with a collection of songs that don't have a cohesive feel or message. It's a random hodgepodge of tracks that don't spark or shine; some of the tunes are cute, but most are forgettable.

Witness doesn't offer a fresh, or refreshed, Perry - the only thing new about her is that haircut.
Vocally, she doesn't sound inspired or inspiring. And while Witness isn't expected to be the year's best album, what was expected was some fun, killer pop hits.

Lead single, Chained to the Rhythm, is watered-down reggae pop without any real reggae flavour, and current single, the Nicki Minaj-assisted Swish Swish, is a miss-miss.

Witness is Perry's first album without mega-producer Dr. Luke, who is currently at war with pop singer Kesha over sexual abuse claims (he denies her allegations). Max Martin, Dr. Luke's former mentor, is still present though, along with big names like Sia, Jeff Bhasker and DJ Mustard.

But none of them come to Perry's rescue. The beginning of Hey Hey Hey sounds like Dark Horse, Perry's last No. 1 hit, and the hook echoes Avril Lavigne. Bigger Than Me comes off like a leftover track from her 2013 album, Prism. And the title track is a bore.

Perry finds the right momentum on the dreamy Tsunami, produced by Mike WiLL-Made It; Bon Appetit, chosen as the official second single for mere minutes, is upbeat and catchy; and Power, with little lyrics, is a shining effort thanks to multi-instrumentalist Jack Garratt's layered, experimental sound.

But overall, Witness falls short. The album's songs are almost as awkward as Perry's recent actions, from the weird dancing onstage with rap group Migos to her "joke" about comparing her hair to former U.S. President Barack Obama. It is also the first time Perry is launching an album without a monster hit behind her.
"Swish swish bish/Another one in the basket," she sings. Witness is more like an air-ball. AP

Do you like Katy Perry's new album? What did you think of her 24 hour livestream? Do you agree with us? Let us know! Tweet us at @KTCityTimes or email citytimes@khaleejtimes.com

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