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American personal finance guru Suze Orman: 'Paying back your son's loan is not protecting him'
Suze Orman advises Khaleej Times’ readers on how to manage their money in the smartest way possible in the latest KT LUXE column, Money Talks with Suze Orman
American personal finance guru Suze Orman has helped millions of women around the world take charge of their financial health and thrive. And now, for the first time, The New York Times bestselling author is turning her gaze towards the Middle East, as she advises Khaleej Times’ readers exclusively on how to manage their money in the smartest way possible. From tackling debts to making sound investments to saving for retirement, Orman will address your pressing financial queries.
I’m a 52-year-old woman, a South Asian expat living in the UAE, who is paying off my son’s student loan of Dh238,750 ($65,000). My monthly income is about Dh22,038 ($6,000), and I’m finding it extremely overwhelming to manage my domestic expenditure while paying off the loan. How do I manage to turn things around financially?
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Saima, I want you to stop and really take in what I’m about to say: the most loving thing you can do for your son right now is not to sacrifice your future for his. It’s to stand in your truth, protect your financial security, and show him by example what it means to live responsibly.
Here’s the hard reality: You are 52 years old, not 25. That means your working years ahead are limited. If it feels overwhelming to manage your expenses and this debt today, just imagine what it will feel like 10 or 15 years from now when costs are higher, your energy may be lower, and you may no longer be able to earn the same income. Unless you change course, you risk depending on your son financially. And let me tell you, there is nothing more devastating for a mother than when she becomes a financial burden to her child.
So let’s be clear: carrying the full responsibility for this loan is not protecting him — it’s endangering both of you.
Now, let’s shift your perspective. Too many parents fall into the trap of believing that love means shielding their children from all hardship. But hardship is not the enemy. Hardship is the greatest teacher. Having your son help repay this loan isn’t punishment — it’s his chance to grow, take responsibility, and value what he’s been given. I know this from personal experience: what you work for, you treasure. What you are handed for free, you often squander.
Here’s what I want you to do:
• Have an honest conversation with your son. Lay out the numbers. Explain that continuing on this path risks your future security. Then, together, come up with a plan for him to take on part — or all — of the loan repayment. If he is working, he should contribute. If he isn’t yet, then as soon as he begins earning, the debt should be his priority.
• Restructure the loan if possible. Contact the lender to explore refinancing or extending the term. A lower monthly payment can give you breathing room while still keeping the loan in good standing.
• Rebalance your budget. Your first priority must be your retirement savings. Contribute to it every single month, even if it means reducing your loan payments for now. Remember: there are no scholarships, grants, or loans for retirement. If you don’t build security for yourself, no one else will.
• Set boundaries with love, not fear. Too often we say “yes” because we are afraid our children will be upset, or think we don’t care. But true love is sometimes saying “no”. You are not rejecting your son — you are teaching him independence, resilience, and respect for money.
Saima, your courage to say “enough” today is what will save your tomorrow. You must give more to yourself than you give of yourself. That’s not selfish. That’s wise. Because the greatest gift you can give your son is not a debt-free diploma — it’s a mother who is financially strong, independent, secure and a woman who stands in her truth.
Got a question for Suze Orman?
Write to ktluxe@khaleejtimes.com
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