Why couples must talk about money matters

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Why couples must talk about money matters

dubai - If you have concerns about your partner's spending habits, financial decisions or role in managing money, express those thoughts.

By Chanda Lokendra Kundnaney

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Published: Sun 21 Jan 2018, 3:12 PM

Women have always taken the lead to initiate new and valid conversations. Good or bad, but this trait is certainly helpful when it comes to finances. Though women find it a tad difficult to start the money talk, discussing finances is integral in holding relationships together.

Research shows that seven out of 10 couples say money causes tension in their relationship. That may be why so many couples avoid the topic entirely - particularly in the early stages of a relationship. Some of them do it out of fear of unravelling unpleasant facts while others may want to steer clear of this topic out of ignorance.

Ignoring the topic may be the easy way out for many couples but it may lead to unpleasant situations later. My suggestion would be to start talking about money right away once you decide who to spend your life with. Not only does a discussion about money give you a fair idea about what you are entering into but it also tells a lot about a person by the way s/he handles money. If you are already in a committed relationship, talking about finances will help you avoid some extremely unpleasant situations that may arise at a later stage in life.

So, how do you begin talking about money without damaging what otherwise may be a deeply fulfilling relationship?

Clarity helps
Be clear about what you want to talk and know about. Depending on which stage of life you are in, your discussion about money with your partner can be different. My first financial question to my spouse was during my first meeting. I asked him: 'How do you spend what you earn'? My objective was not to know how much he earns as he had just started working with a very humble salary. I wanted to know how he manages his expenses. What are his committed liabilities that I might have to inherit? What he shared with me not only assured me of his good habits but also gave me peace of mind that I may have some scope to save from his money and choose to have breaks from my work if I want to.

Don't deviate from the topic
When you talk about money, talk about money only. Too often, disagreements about money have little to do with money itself and more to do with issues of control, security, self-esteem and love. Think carefully as you discuss money issues with your partner to make sure there isn't a larger problem at the core. Be honest with yourself about how you personally feel about money. Money is a tangible part of a relationship, so it is easy to project emotional issues onto concrete money matters. Talk about money and related issues and not about issues and related money.

The right time
The choice of time is important to talk about money. Couples don't usually talk openly about money. The goal is to have a calm, relaxed discussion when there's no particular money issue at hand. The idea is to discuss and not dictate. Discuss different money scenarios and how each of you might address or resolve them. If you have concerns about your partner's spending habits, financial decisions or role in managing money, express those thoughts during this talk. Be mindful that not all people are comfortable talking about money right away in a relationship. Be patient but persistent. If you bring up the topic several times and your partner still gets defensive, that might be a signal that s/he may not be able to have honest communication about other things as well.

Be open to partner's views
Studies show that when it comes to money, men and women often have different views. Women see it as a sign of security and stability. They like to save for emergencies and become worried when financial problems arise. Men take more risks with money and see money issues as a threat to their self-esteem. Try to understand your partner's perspective. Compromise is often essential. It is fine to disagree on some issues, but don't let them get in the way of your overall goals as a couple.

Limits will keep you in check
Once you become a committed couple, it is important to work together to come up with general spending rules or limits. Like a household budget, you may have a budget for personal spend also. For instance, you can agree on a threshold amount which you can spend without needing to report or consult one another. Always discuss the price and affordability of the item before it is purchased.

The writer is an entrepreneur and financial planning consultant. Views expressed are her own and do not reflect the newspaper's policy.


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