The bald and the beautiful

When women lose their locks, it's almost like living with a stigma. But with more celebrities sharing their experiences of how crowning glories turned into hair loss stories, the conversation is gaining ground and women are finding their own ways to de-stress over their tresses

Jada Pinkett Smith has been hosting some very candid discussions as part of her Red Table Talk series - and, two months ago, she opened up about one of her own struggles with body image: hair loss. For the uninitiated, the American actress, singer and entrepreneur (who is married to Will Smith) has been sporting a lot of turbans of late. And while she's been rocking the colourful head coverings (see right), the real reason for them was only revealed on the show. "My hair has been a big part of me," she confessed. "Taking care of my hair has been a beautiful ritual [as is] having the choice to have hair or not." The idea that, one day, she might not have that choice anymore left her "shaking with fear" about the "handfuls of hair" that she was pulling away in the shower.
Her reaction is one that women the world over can relate to, considering we all know at least half-a-dozen women who fret over a full brush at night. So, what do you do when it's not the doctor-assured average of 100 strands a day that you're losing? What if you're suddenly having to contend with going bald?
Even the most confident woman who knows there's more to her than her hair will tell you: your self-esteem can take quite a hit when you lose your locks. For millennia, women's hair has been deeply wrapped up in their identity, personality and even femininity. For the fairer sex, having a bad hair day often equates to having a bad day, period. On the other hand, having a great hair day can put that extra strut in your stride and make you feel virtually unstoppable. But as they're now finding out, it really is all about perspective.
That was Indian expat Jinsy Abraham's story in 2004. Newly married at the age of 22, she suddenly found herself battling alopecia totalis - an apparently autoimmune condition in which the body identifies its own hair follicles as foreign and attacks them (alopecia is what Jada suspects is causing her hair loss too). For Jinsy, what started as small round patches of hair loss ended up in "a totally bald scalp" in just six months.
It was devastating, says the now 37-year-old - not to mention scary. "I'd lost my eyebrows and eyelashes, along with all the hair on my scalp - it's not a sight you want to see in the mirror." Though she consulted several doctors, underwent many treatments, and took a lot of medication ("some very painful"), nothing worked. If she did step out, she wore a bandana - and people would stare just as if she'd stepped out bald. "They'd give me really odd looks, but no one would ask me about anything directly. which I feel made it worse." To compound it all, she was told - around this time - that she may never be able to have children (due to unrelated health factors). Depression set in and she began to hate venturing outside the house altogether.
A new look - and outlook
The turning point came when Jinsy met a doctor who not only "got down to [her] level" and explained her condition in a way she'd understand - but also offered her a new perspective. "He gave me two pieces of advice that I haven't forgotten to this day: first, worrying is not going to improve my condition; it may, in fact, affect me even more - so stop stressing out. Second, he reminded me that mine was a cosmetic problem that had solutions - this was not the case for other patients he knew who had auto-immune diseases that were affecting their vital organs. That perspective changed everything for me."
The doctor encouraged Jinsy to try a wig - something previously "unthinkable" for her - while starting her on a course of immunity boosters. Within a year, she received the surprising news that she was going to have a baby. Even more surprisingly, all her hair grew back during her pregnancy. "I walked out of the hospital with my newborn child and my own hair. No wig," she recalls - but she did have a brand new attitude to life.
When British expat Dikrayat Saleh started losing her hair after her first cycle of chemotherapy in 2015, she decided she wasn't having it - and so, shaved it off herself before it could all fall out. She did spend "a lot of money" on a wig - but discarded it after two tries. "Chemo gives you heat flushes," she explains. "The wig just wasn't working for me. People stared but I didn't care. I can't speak for others, but when you have cancer, your hair is not your main concern - especially when you know it's going to grow back after
the treatment."
The 48-year-old homemaker - who was also a Ford Model of Courage for the brand's Warriors in Pink breast cancer awareness campaign in 2016 - totally embraced her new look, taking to YouTube to learn different ways of wearing bandanas and scarves. "The weather was really hot, so my new look made things easy. I didn't have to worry about blow-drying my hair anymore. I used to be one of those people who really cared about their hair. I still do, but now, even after my hair started growing back, I cut it really short. I don't want long hair anymore. I guess you could say something good came out of losing my hair: a new look!"
Turning taboos on their heads
There's losing hair involuntarily due to medical reasons - and then there's voluntarily going under the razor for a cause. Sharjah-based Deepika Satheesh Naik used to have waist-length hair - before she cut it all off in January this year, after her father-in-law passed away. "He was suffering from pancreatic cancer. We came to know very late, and my husband and I couldn't meet him at the end of his life. We were so sad - especially because my husband was his only son, and he was like my own father to me."
Wanting to do something in his honour, Deepika decided to donate her hair - all 42 centimetres of it - to the Protect Your Mom campaign in Dubai to help make natural wigs for cancer patients. The 27-year-old hails from Kerala in India - where long hair is considered a beauty parameter for women. Going bald, therefore, would mean raising a fair number of eyebrows in her hometown. Her husband, however, has been her number one supporter. Although he told her the gesture wasn't necessary, he went on to shave his own head to support her when she insisted it's what she wanted to do.
The response to her decision has surprised her, with strangers on public buses engaging her in conversation about it, and the hospital that she works at even giving her a memento and encouraging other employees to consider supporting similar causes. The move might be taboo where she comes from, but the mum-of-one has absolutely no regrets. "I was only too happy to do it for [someone I consider] my father," she says. Any social and workplace taboos paled in comparison to the cause.
Bald truths
You learn a lot of things when you lose your hair. Like how to own your new look, as in Jada Pinkett Smith's case ("When my hair is wrapped, I feel like a queen!"). Or how not to stress about things that aren't that important in the big scheme of things, as in Dikrayat's case ("Women should be judged by their character, not by their hair"). Character-building is inevitable, notes Jinsy, who says her experiences taught her to never take blessings for granted ("even seemingly small ones like your hair!") and to really appreciate the people who were her rock during those initial difficult years. "Without the support of my husband - who pushed me to move forward - and the rest of my family, I might still be depressed today." Although she enjoyed having her hair back for five years after it regrew, she has since lost it all again, as alopecia totalis can recur. But round two has not fazed her. Instead, she's quick to offer her story as encouragement to other women who may be battling the same issue today. "Everything happens for a reason," she says. "And even though hair is so important to us as women, I've learnt that it's also just a cosmetic issue - not something that should hinder us from doing all that we're capable of." And that's the bald truth.
Celebs who aren't losing their heads over their hair - or the lack of it...
Viola Davis
After experiencing major hair loss at the age of 28 due to alopecia areata [another form of the condition], the star took to wearing wigs everywhere. "I never showed my natural hair. It was a crutch, not an enhancement. I was so desperate for people to think that I was beautiful." But she has since learnt to embrace the condition, and encourages other women to "be who you are".
Tyra Banks
As a supermodel, having her hair fall out due to alopecia brought on by stress was devastating. Thankfully, it grew right back after the television star learnt to de-stress - but you don't need us to tell you the moral of this story: hakuna matata!
Selma Blair
In 2011, the Cruel Intentions actress, who'd become a mum, revealed that while motherhood was amazing, she was suffering from post-partum hair loss. "It just started falling out at the three-month mark," she was quoted as saying. "And I'm not a girl who likes extensions, so Selma's going to be bald!"
Rosie O Donnell
In May 2016, the outspoken comedian tweeted a no-makeup selfie of herself pulling a face as she pointed out a balding spot near her temple. The tweet resonated with hundreds of women who shared stories of their own struggles with hair loss in response.
Kayla Itsines
The fitness queen took to Instagram last year to get real about the history of female pattern baldness that runs in her family. But she also went on to say, "I am at peace with it and I will not let it rule my life. Instead, I focus on being healthy and happy. This is a really difficult thing to do and I know from first-hand experience, but it is definitely worth it and you have nothing to be shy about, be proud (sic)."
karen@khaleejtimes.com