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Help! My looks make me feel so inadequate
Dubai - Being beautiful often is a state unrelated to physical appearance
I am in my early 40s and always feel inadequate about the way I look. I have spent much of my 20s and 30s making an attempt to look beautiful, but I just don’t feel it. This feeling has led me to spend on the best clothes and makeup, but somehow I cannot seem to change the way I look at myself. — Rima
I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to always feel inadequate about your looks and that you have struggled with this for so many years of your life.
I believe you have identified the source of this problem, which is your inability to change your perceptions of yourself. The core of this could be a condition called body dysmorphic disorder, where a person obsesses about perceived defects that others do not see. I would like you to consider securing honest feedback from trusted friends and family about your appearance.
I would also like to address the concept of beauty norms. Images presented in advertising and the media to consumers, readers and viewers are selected to meet the presenters’ agenda and perception of current beauty norms, and these depictions are often technologically modified to the point that they no longer realistically present women’s natural beauty.
I would like you to work on having a more realistic and diverse view of the different attributes of being beautiful. You might even find this topic more interesting if you do cross-cultural comparisons. If you have the time, I would also encourage you to read The Beauty Myth by Naomi Wolf to gain more insight on the pressure women feel to be beautiful.
Lastly, I want to remind you that being beautiful often is a state unrelated to physical appearance. There is also an inner beauty in you that is reflected in how you carry yourself, the values you have, how you communicate, and the care and humanity you show towards others. Work on changing how you think about yourself and go forward with confidence. Remind yourself to love and accept yourself just the way you are!
(Dr Annette is integrated psychotherapist at CHMC, Dubai. Got a query? Email us on wknd@khaleejtimes.com)
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