KT For Good: Trials and triumphs of a stay-at-home father

The task, typically entrusted with women, is seeing a role reversal in this Indian family.

Little Atira can be seen driven around by her father in the wee hours of the morning, only to aid her fall asleep. The problem of two-year-old Atira fighting sleep or not going to bed wasn't limited to the first few months when she was born.
Karthik Balasubramaniam is a doting stay-at-home dad and a caring husband, staying up nights, either rocking his baby while singing a lullaby or driving her around in a car to put her to sleep.
The task, typically entrusted with women, is seeing a role reversal in this Indian family.
"My wife Aarti is a media professional and her job is demanding. She needs to sleep well to return recharged to office every morning."
While Aarti is away for long hours, Atira is fed, cleaned and taken to playgroups by her dad. Karthik too worked in the media until he decided to step down. He is now happy to support his wife in her career, letting her do the earning, while he takes care of the home."She was on complete bed rest during her pregnancy. I got involved in the whole process even before my daughter was born."
Recalling the day when he first held his daughter, Karthik said: "I was the one who first held her in my arms. It was such a heart-warming moment. I was more comfortable holding her than Aarti. It somehow came naturally to me," added Karthik proudly.
Karthik opined that it is important that at least one of the parents is always with the child. "Working parents don't have much of an option and leave their children in the care of nannies. But, to grow up in the care of a father or a mother cannot substitute anything. It will never be the same, even if the help is Mary Poppins", added Karthik.
The child's safety and happiness are the only measure of things for Karthik. To patiently feed Atira is one of the challenges even for this veteran dad. "I spend around half an hour to feed her. She loves pottering around the house with food in her mouth. So, from a time perspective, things change when you have a child come in," he added.
"Even if I am trying to do some housework, like cooking or trying to look at my phone, she would come trailing. There is less 'me time' and hardly any time to socialise. The most important thing, however, is to prioritise the child's needs".
Despite utmost care, children falling sick is not uncommon. Karthik recalled the day when Atira was bitten by their pet cat. "I was feeling tired and went to make a cup of coffee when I heard my daughter wailing. She was apparently bitten by the cat and had a cut mark on her arm. This episode followed a series of vaccinations and injections. It was heart-breaking as a parent," he said.
Pointing out the lack of baby changing facilities available for men, Karthik said:
"Outdoor trips can create pitfalls when a change of diaper is required."
He also thinks certain playgroups discriminate fathers. "Many play areas advertise with themes like "Fun with Mum" assuming fathers do not wish to be a part of this journey.
"Caring for my child has been eye-opening as a husband and as a father. Whichever parents aren't do it tend to miss out on the memorable moments of his/her kid's life".
But watching his wife get up every morning and go to work, coming home tired and providing for the family is a very conflicted experience.
"My wife is always encouraging me and celebrating my resolve and patience. She says she doesn't know many men who can do what I have done in caring for the child right from the beginning," said Karthik.
It's an encouragement that helps him feel adequate and gives me a sense of worth that most men do not have the privilege of experiencing.
nandini@khaleejtimes.com

• KT For Good